Falling Up
by LadeeBear
Summary: Where do you belong? It's a question that Leda Barnes must answer. OC centered story with DL and FlackOC. [Chapter 8 is up!]
1. Moonlight

Alright, I know, I can hear you all wondering about _Chasing Hope _and _Observe This _and _The Twelve Days of Christmas _(although it's almost April. Oops). And I know that you all want me to continue those – believe me, I do too. I have some of the next chapter for CH up, but the plot bunny for that story has been a little slow on the uptake. However, after reading sugah's story _Ghosts in the Wind_, a character wiggled her way into my mind and wouldn't leave. So, I decided to write her. I've gone back and forth about how I wanted her to be, but eventually I just let her write herself. Chalk it up to all the literature I have been reading lately, but she's a bit different. I'm still not sure my opinion of her, and I am the one who wrote her.

Anyway, I am sorry that I have been absent. Truly, I am. But you must understand that my muse left me for a LONG time and wouldn't come back. All my writings lately have been for school, and I barely have any free time to myself. But I found time here and there (and a muse) to write this. Let me know what you think of it, and if I should continue. :)

Oh, and the homeless man was kind of based off of an actual person from a psychology video that I watched in class that dealt with mental disorders. He had paranoid schizophrenia, and was off his medication.

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognize, and own all that you do. Hence, the character of Leda Barnes is mine, as are any other characters not affiliated with CBS. Get it? Got it? Good. The title is not mine either – if you are interested, check out the author Shel Silverstein who wrote the children's poetry book "Falling Up"._

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_Wherever runs the breathless sun --  
Wherever roams the day --  
There is its noiseless onset --  
There is its victory! _

**-- Emily Dickinson**

Chapter One: Moonlight

All Leda Barnes wanted was silence.

She rubbed her temple and gave the woman across from her a quick nod, scratching a shorthand version of notes onto the notebook that rested in her lap. She picked up a wad of tissues and handed them wordlessly to the woman. Leda suppressed a yawn in the back of her throat as the woman continued to ramble on, hiccupping every once in a while due to her hysterical display of emotion. Finally, after stealing a glance at the clock, Leda decided to make her move.

"Mrs. Alcott, why don't we try and finish this up tomorrow, alright?" the young woman asked in the gentlest way possible. She pulled out her palm pilot and stared at its luminous screen for a moment before looking back up at the woman whose hysterics had - thankfully - calmed down a bit. "Shall I put you down for 4:45?"

Mrs. Alcott nodded her head slowly, before uttering a few words of thanks. Leda shook her head in the humblest manner and rose to shake hands with the elderly woman. "No, no, Mrs. Alcott. If anyone should be praised, it is _you_. You have done so wonderfully throughout these past few sessions. I think you've made worlds of progress."

Mrs. Alcott's glassy eyes widened and a smile curled at her pink lips. "You – you really think so?" she asked, twirling a bangle around her shriveled hands. Leda merely smiled and placed her hand on the small of the elderly woman's back, guiding her towards the door. "Oh, yes, yes," Leda replied with a smile. At the threshold of the door, the old woman turned to face the younger one. She placed both her hands atop Leda's.

"You – you are the most wonderful and gracious woman I have ever met. Thank you Dr. Barnes. Thank you so much."

Leda smiled and placed a hand on Mrs. Alcott's shoulder before the latter turned and exited the office. Once the door was closed, Leda leaned against it, and sighed, running a hand through her auburn hair. She stood, back resting against the door and surveyed her office. It was neat little office. Quaint, perhaps was the best term to describe it. The moonlight flooded the tiny room, drowning the two plush red velvet couches in its light and reflecting back to Leda the hint of gold tinge that lined the armrests. The moonlight pooled at the coffee table, gleaming and melting underneath the vase that lay in the center of the table. Leda studied the window, watching the soft gray clouds race along the night sky, freely moving and dancing about, paralleling the actions of the people below.

A streetlamp flickered on, yellow-orange and buzzing as it adjusted to the night. Leda walked over towards the window and placed her palms on the sill, feeling the cool marble resting under her. She stared blankly down, down at the people below her who hurried along the pavement, anxious to be somewhere – anywhere. And Leda desired the same. She sighed once more, a sigh of longing and aching with a desire for freedom. She removed herself from the window and began to walk aimlessly around her office, noticing the tiniest of details in the objects that littered her workspace. There was a pen with no cap. A pen with a chewed cap. A piece of paper crumpled up by the wastepaper basket. She knelt down, and had to push her glasses up to the bridge of her nose to keep them from sliding off her delicate face. As she stood erect once more, she opened the paper, only to find what she was dreading. Rubbing her temples anxiously, she tossed the paper into the can and continued her walk around the room.

Before she could finish her lap, a soft knock was heard at the door, followed by the gentle creak of the hinge. Leda stared at the visitor and smiled tiredly.

"I'm heading home for the night Leda. You want me to swing by and drop you off. You look exhausted."

Leda shook her head and waved her hand dismissively. "No, no, Jamie, you go home and take care of Delia. Tell her that I said hello." The secretary stared at her boss for a moment, and turned to exit but thought better of it.

"Are you positive? Leda…"

The woman pulled her sleek hair into a ponytail and shook her head again at the woman. "You should go home and be with your daughter. If she's sick, I'm sure that she wants to be with you more than anyone. I'll be alright. I might take a little walk before I head home."

Jamie surveyed her friend once again, jabbing a finger in Leda's direction. "Alright, but you better be careful. There are some nut-jobs out there running the streets this time of night. Just play it safe, and get some sleep, okay?"

Leda forced a smile and nodded, rubbing her eyes wearily. "I promise Jamie. Thank you for – for everything. You didn't have to stay this late. You could have taken the day off."

Jamie shook her head, black curls falling into her eyes. "No, no child. You needed me. You would've had files piled up to your ears by now if I hadn't stayed. You just get some rest. I'm beginning to think these patients are drainin' the very life outta you." Jamie smiled and waved once more before shutting the office door. As soon as the door was closed, Leda began to pack up her papers, placing them into neat stacks on her desk, while taking choice files and sticking them into her bag. She turned and surveyed her office once more. It was orderly and neat, and still basking in moonlight. Her mouth twitched in a proud smile as she pulled her keys from out of her bag and locked the door to her office. She looked around the waiting room, tidying up the magazine rack and brushing a few crumbs into the wastepaper basket before flicking off the lights and stepping out into the hallway. She locked her door carefully and then read the golden calligraphy on the glass window of the door. _Clinical Psychologist, Ph.D. _Leda smiled slightly and placed her keys into her purse before slinging both her purse and her work bag over her shoulder and walking toward the elevator.

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The night was hardly clear, and the chances of seeing stars on her walk were slim to none. Her practice was on a good side of town – or so she was told. No part of the city was entirely good. No place in the _world_ was entirely good for that matter. Nevertheless, she was armed with her pepper spray and ten years of tae kwon doe tactics in case anything should happen. She was a naïve girl, sometimes. Leda knew herself to be an optimist – she always saw the light at the end of the tunnel. And she seemed to try to always find the good in everyone. Perhaps it was because no one ever saw the good in _her _sometimes.

As her heels treaded quietly against the pavement she pondered such a concept. It was widely known that she could analyze people's entire lives within the first few hours that she met them. Sitting down to coffee with someone, she could note their behavior by merely observing their body language. She had a gift, most people would say. But she was never good enough for them. She was never good enough for him. And so it happened that she stumbled into the field of psychology. It was her means of escape, of release, and of closure. But she could not kid herself. Nothing in her life would ever be exactly the way that she wanted it to be. Nothing that she did could ever amount to what they – what _he _– expected of her. And she knew all about repression. If Freud was alive, he would have psychoanalyzed her 'till kingdom come.

And now, she thought, as she continued her walk, resting her arm against a streetlamp pole lazily as she waited for the crosswalk signal to glow green, well now she was just one giant mess. The light at the crosswalk burned green. She walked on.

She didn't know exactly where she would end up this time. She figured that maybe if she just kept walking, she would end up somewhere where she belonged. But where _did _she belong? She loved her job, most days. But who truly loves their job _every_ day? Her patients oftentimes wore her out. And of course, they would. They came to her with their problems. Sometimes she would do her best, but it was not always good enough. But she tried. She pressed on. That was all she could do.

But why was she never good enough? Why didn't her father ever say those three words that she longed so to hear? Looking at the sky momentarily, Leda watched the brilliant silver moon shine before it was cruelly obstructed by a passing gray cloud. He was the cloud to her moonlight – he was the one person she desired to shine for, and yet he was the only person who prevented her from shining. It was all complicated. Her life, _this _life – all much too complex.

She wasn't crazy. Oh, no she wasn't crazy. She graduated salutatorian in her high school class, but only because of Geometry in freshman year. Oh, how she hated Geometry. And pre-calculus. She had hated that too. She was a smart girl – the kind that teachers always praised whenever they handed back essays and tests. But despite the fact that she was not valedictorian, her mother was proud, since Leda had graduated from a rather large Georgian high school – yes, it was an accomplishment to say the least, being salutatorian. Her mother had never gone to college, but she was a woman with a kindly face – a typical southern belle she had once been with her blonde curls framing her delicate face. Her mother was caring, soft-spoken, and reserved – perhaps that was why she stayed with her husband despite his apathy. Leda paused on her journey into the past and thought about her father for a brief moment. But she couldn't dwell in those thoughts too long. They were harmful if dwelt in for too long.

Instead, Leda chose to pause near a storefront window and study her reflection against the pale moonlight. Her auburn hair was tamed in a ponytail, but her full, wispy bangs fell over her forehead. It was night, so her eye color was hard to discern, but even in the light, it varied. She had blue-green eyes, but many times they appeared vibrantly green or a shade of aqua blue. She was proud of her eyes.

And she didn't know why she did this twice a week – why she walked and walked around the city until her legs ached. She was trying to walk away from her fears and to avoid her problems. She was complicated. And she thought it ironic that she was a psychologist. Here, a woman armed with a doctorate had no idea how to decipher the thoughts inside of her own head, yet could readily diagnose PTSD or schizophrenia in others. Why did it make such little sense? And why did she stay with Robert? When he was drunk, she knew he did things – she was sure that he hadn't _meant _to grab her as hard as she did. She had cried, but he had apologized. She had forgiven him, as always. She knew that he had cheated on her, many times with many women. And still, she called him her 'boyfriend', as if the endearing term actually _meant _something. All it meant was an excuse to turn down unwanted dates or ward of potential suitors. Leda scoffed aloud. Why was she such an ironic mess? The one thing that she was good at was the one thing she could not do. She could give her patients advice, advice, words, words – but why couldn't Leda take them herself? Why did she ignore her own advice? Why was she walking? _Where _was she walking?

And it wasn't as if she was depressed either. She wasn't suicidal. She loved her life. It was just that sometimes…sometimes it did not make any sense at all to her. Sometimes she just needed a break from reality to drift into her own world and relax. Yes, relaxation was what she needed. She could go on a vacation, perhaps, once the month was over. Maybe some place in California…or Florida…she had loved Colorado though, so maybe she would go there on her little getaway.

All at once, Leda was snapped out of her world when she felt a tug on the leg of her pants. She whipped around to find no one standing behind her. But glancing down onto the pavement, she saw the culprit.

He was the same man she had passed last Tuesday on her walk. She had nearly ignored him, but his scraggly appearance had left her to fix her eyes upon him momentarily. He had a full beard, untamed with knots and pieces of leaf litter caught in it. His eyes were dark, dim, and hopeless. She recognized those eyes. They were the same type of eyes that she saw everyday – the eyes of her hopeless patients who were searching, struggling for some form of help, for some form of solution to their pains and troubles. But the man on the corner was not a patient of hers. She knew from his eyes though that he had suffered. She could tell. He was homeless and was wearing a shabby gray trench coat with colorful patches and insignia tattooed over it. Despite the warm weather, he appeared to be wearing layers – an olive-colored sweater with a black shirt poking out from behind the tears in the sweater. His pants were dark, covered with either dirt or something else, Leda did not know. He continued to stare at her and would not let go of her cotton trousers. She attempted to gently remove a filthy hand, but that only caused the man to relinquish hold of her pants and instead grasp her wrist firmly. Leda had trouble sometimes with her patients and therefore knew how to talk to them soothingly. She continued to stare down at the man sitting cross-legged among a pile of old newspapers and trinkets pulled from dumpsters. A light breeze blew and the man's stringy hair fell into his face. He used his free hand to adjust the dirty Yankees cap on his head, but would not let go of Leda.

"Sir, please let go of my wrist," she said gently. The man's eyes were strangely hollow and dark, but Leda tried once more to remove herself from his grasp. He only grasped her wrist tighter. Leda bit her tongue. "Sir, please let go of my hand," she said, louder this time. She attempted to wrench her wrist out of his grasp, and almost succeeded in doing so, but her one hundred and fifteen pound frame, it was hard to accomplish. The man's eyes were beginning to cause uneasiness to settle in the pit of her stomach. There was hardly anyone on the streets. She couldn't move. He had her in his grasp. And she was fearful. But she remembered her pepper spray and managed to remain calm. Plus, she could always attempt to kick the man, although she wanted to use that method as a last resort. He was not dangerous.

"What do you want from me?" Leda asked. The man's sullen face scared her. He opened his mouth a moment, looking around the street in a paranoid manner before pulling her a little closer. His breath was rotten and Leda resisted the urge to vomit.

"_They _want you," he replied, rocking back and forth. He looked around the street as he rocked and Leda narrowed her eyes in an attempt to study him. She was pretty sure that it was paranoid schizophrenia. If he was referring to people as 'they', then it was highly likely that he was hearing voices or seeing figures that did not exist.

"Who are 'they'?" Leda asked patiently. The man continued to look around, mumbling to himself. She was convinced that he was schizophrenic, but was not entirely sure. However, if he _was _schizophrenic, then he must have been off of his medication.

"What's your name?" Leda asked. The man looked up at her, removing himself momentarily from his dream world.

"John."

"Okay, John, do you have medicines? Did people make you take medicine?"

At the word medicine, the grip on Leda's wrist tightened almost to an almost unbearable point and John began to shake her wrist and scream at her. "I don't want my medicine! They can't make me take it! They're just trying to get inside of my head! They think I'm crazy! They can't make me take it!"

Leda's eyes widened as she attempted to calm the man down, but he would not be silenced. Leda knew that many patients suffering from schizophrenia who were off of their medications often resorted to aggression and it could even lead to suicide, in some cases. Leda tried to calm the man down, but as John reached into his coat pocket for something, Leda knew she could not take any chances and she dug her free arm into her purse to pull out her pepper spray. But before she was able to do so, an arm appeared from seemingly out of nowhere and gripped John's arm. Leda looked up, confused, and felt John's grip on her wrist loosen slowly. Once she pulled her arm away, she noticed two men – one who was handcuffing John, and the other was talking to the arresting officer. Leda studied the man who had "rescued" her, and noticed that he was tall, dark, and handsome.

She laughed.

Her laugh caused the man to look up. With a wave of his hand and a few more words, the officer placed John in the back of a patrol car and shut the door. "Goodnight Detective," he said with a nod of his head, and the man standing before Leda gave a nod as well. She noticed that the man's eyes were blue. She moistened her lips and spoke.

"Well, thank you sir for helping me, even though I really did not need your assistance."

The man's lips curled into a smile. "I don't think the term 'sir' really suits me."

Leda rolled her eyes and shifted the bags on her shoulder. "Well then, what should I call you?"

The man extended his hand. "Detective Don Flack, NYPD." Leda smirked at his pride in the official title that he held. So, she mimicked his motion and placed her hand in his.

"Doctor Leda Barnes, clinical psychologist," she replied, shaking his hand. She looked into his eyes and felt her heart skip. He had such nice eyes. They stood for a moment, shaking hands, before Leda broke the contact and began to walk. Flack furrowed his eyebrows and trailed after her.

"Uh, where are you going?" he asked curiously. Leda sighed and rounded the corner, noticing a bar up ahead. She read the name and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

"I'm going to Sullivan's."

Flack's eyes lit up and she noticed this. "I was actually headed there too. Long shift, ya know."

Leda smiled politely, afraid of the statement that she knew would follow.

"…would you like to join me?" he asked. She smiled, and paused her walk in order to look up at him.

"I actually have a boyfriend," she replied, hoping that the old line would do the trick. Flack's heart sunk, but he quickly recovered, hoping that the woman in front of him would not notice.

"Well, I mean, I just don't want you to be alone, that's all. I thought you might want some company. Besides, I'm meeting friends of mine there, so it wouldn't be a date or anything."

Leda's heart sunk slightly. She should have known that a man whom she knew for all of two minutes wouldn't ask her out. All the same, she didn't know if she could accept his offer. He seemed nice enough, and was certainly safe – he was a cop, after all. But Leda had experience with cops before, and they weren't always all they were cracked up to be. Flack titled his head to the side slightly and his eyes begged an offer.

"I…well, I'm not sure. I kind of wanted to be alone tonight, just…to think," she awkwardly replied. Flack stared at her and gave a little chuckle.

"Well, a lot of good that did you tonight, what with being harassed by a psychotic homeless man," he noted. Leda narrowed her eyes and held up her index finger.

"One, I _was _alone, and it was my fault for not paying attention to where I was walking." She held up the next finger, ticking off her points. "Two, the term is _paranoid schizophrenia_, not psychotic." She held up one more finger. "And thirdly, I told you Detective, I can take care of myself. I have ten years of tae kwon doe and had a can of pepper spray in my purse, which I was reaching for when you so heroically saved my life." Leda's frustration and sarcastic comments surprised Flack momentarily, before he lowered his voice to talk to her.

"One, it was not your fault. He has a mental condition, and you just wanted to help, which I admire you for." He held up a second finger, mimicking Leda's actions. "Yes, I am sorry I called him psychotic." Flack held up a third finger. "And thirdly, no, I did not want to be a hero. I was merely doing my job. I didn't think of you as a damsel in distress, but you appeared to need help, and that was what I did. I helped you." Flack and Leda stared at each other for a moment before Leda bowed her head and sighed, pulling her hair out of its ponytail. Flack watched her, awed at how beautiful her hair was and found himself having difficulty formulating a proper sentence. Leda ran a few fingers through her hair before staring back up at Flack.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to accuse you of anything…" she began. Flack shook his head and fixed his eyes on Leda.

"Don't apologize," he stated simply. Leda still looked guilty and he turned her slightly, hand resting on the small of her back. Leda felt her heart begin to race, and noticed that Flack was pushing her in the direction of Sullivan's. She craned her neck around to look up at him and he just smiled a heart-melting smile before walking ahead of her. Leda felt momentarily saddened by the loss of physical contact, but laughed when she saw that the detective had rushed ahead only to open the door for her. She curtsied slightly and Flack laughed. Leda glanced inside of the bar and noticed how cozy, yet crowded it was. There was a table situated by the window, and Flack waved to the people at it. Three of them waved back (though the other two appeared to be in deep conversation), and as Leda approached the table, she noticed a man with short mousy hair and glasses talking and laughing with a curly-haired woman.

Leda stopped dead in her tracks.

The group looked up collectively and welcomed Flack. Leda just stared, and the man with the glasses did a double-take upon seeing his friend's companion. The curly-haired woman's gaze flickered from the man sitting next to her to the new arrival and she frowned, confused. Flack did not appear to take notice of this, and introduced Leda to his colleagues. "This is Lindsay Monroe," he replied, and Lindsay looked up at Leda with a small smile. Flack smirked and seemed to not realize that Leda could not advert her gaze from the man at the table. "And this," he concluded, gesturing his hand to the person next to Lindsay, "is…"

"Danny Messer," Leda concluded, with her voice wavering slightly. Danny let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair before daring to look up at the woman again. The corners of her mouth gave hint of a sad smile.

"It's nice to see you again," she replied. Flack and Lindsay exchanged puzzled glances, as Danny continued to stare at the newcomer.

"Yeah…same here."

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Okay, so I will leave it at that for now. I can't believe I actually got the motivation (and the muse) to write this chapter out. Let me know what you think. If I choose to continue – if you want me to continue, that is – then I have an idea of where this will go. It hopefully will not extend about 10-15 chapters. Well, you all know the drill by now – read and review!


	2. Just Acquaintances

Thanks oodles for the reviews everyone.  It is very encouraging to think that you all may actually like Leda, and this story. So, the updates will probably be once every few weeks, so just be prepared for that. LOL. Anyway, I guess you all just want to read the next chapter and find out how Leda and Danny know each other, right? Okay, well here goes nothing…the next chapter of "Falling Up". The chapters will probably all start out with some form of poetry – I'm fond of Emily Dickinson these days. There are the usual disclaimers such as "I don't own the characters of CSI:NY" and "Anything you don't recognize is mine", blah, blah.

But most of all please enjoy this chapter! This is set a few weeks after "Love Run Cold".

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Chapter Two: Just Acquaintances

_Let me not mar that perfect dream_

_By an auroral stain,_

_But so adjust my daily night_

_That it will come again._

**-- Emily Dickinson**

Leda stared blankly at Danny and nervously twirled a strand of hair around her finger before speaking up in a small, stuttering voice.

"I – uh, I should really get going. I have an early morning tomorrow, so I should get some – some sleep," she replied moving her hands around. She smiled politely at the people at the table. "It was very nice to meet all of you," she said genuinely before turning and walking towards the exit, mind racing uncontrollably.

Flack and Lindsay continued to stare at one another in confusion, while the rest of the team watched on.

Lindsay turned her attention to Danny, curiously. "Danny…how do you?..."

Danny held his hand up and slid out of the booth quickly, before mumbling something to Flack and then trotting out the door after Leda. He scanned the streets, eyes darting back and forth before he spotted her on the corner, leaning up against the glass of a storefront window. He took a deep breath and walked towards her.

Leda couldn't believe it. She didn't think she would have ever seen Danny Messer again, and yet, there he had been, in Sullivan's. What an ironically sick sense of humor God had, she thought to herself, scuffing her shoes against the concrete sidewalk. For the longest time she had yearned to see him, to talk to him, to just know how he was…and then, when she finally saw him in the bar, she realized that she just couldn't deal with it. She didn't want Flack to know. She…she knew that the girl – Lindsay, was her name? – would ask questions. The team, his boss, they would do the same.

_Danny, how do you know Leda?_

Leda sighed again.

How _did _she know Danny Messer?

Leda looked up at the sky, still overcast, and blinked back tears. And the world was all…it was all falling to pieces around her, shattering amidst the pale moonlight and velvet backdrop. And why was she so afraid to face Danny Messer? She tried to convince herself that it was just because she didn't want him to face any awkward conversations. But that wasn't the case. Or, it wasn't the _entire_ case.

She threw up her hands in defeat, as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Okay, universe, I give up!"

"You shouldn't give up without a fight."

Leda sniffed and turned to see Danny Messer walking towards her, blue eyes clouded with emotion. Before she could respond, he wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in a warm hug. She held onto him, not entirely sure of what she was doing, or if she dared to head down that path again. But all the same, she clung to him, thankful for his strong arms wrapped tightly around her. She pulled back and sniffed, smiling slightly up at him.

"You know, it really _is _good to see you again, Dan," she said truthfully. Danny licked his lips and gave his heart-warming smile, before taking her arm and walking down the street with her.

"You have no idea," he replied, taking her hand and walking with her down the street.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lindsay was puzzled.

So was Flack.

So, as the rest of the team bid them goodbye, the pair simply sat, engrossed in their own thoughts about the woman named Leda.

Flack stared straight ahead and sipped his beer, not really wanting to attempt and make conversation with the woman seated across the booth from him. He sniffed to get her attention, but she merely blinked and continued to stare into space, lost in her own thoughts. Flack coughed this time. Still no response. Finally, he reverted to talking.

"Lindsay….hey, uh, Lindsay?"

Lindsay blinked and looked him in the eye.

"Yeah?" she asked, stirring her straw around in her glass.

"I – uh, I was just wondering how – how you were doing."

Lindsay took a sip of her drink and then looked back at the detective.

"Do you know how Leda and Danny know each other?" she asked.

Flack shook his head honestly. "To be quite honest, Lindsay, I just met Leda tonight. I didn't even know that she knew Danny."

Lindsay nodded without saying anything and looked at the door to the bar, hopeful that Danny would walk back in and explain everything. She groaned inwardly. It wasn't even that she demanded an explanation from him. It wasn't like they were dating…no, but they were close, right? So, he could have told her…right? Flack was talking now, but she was zoned out, trying to sort out her feelings for Danny. She had fell for him, plain and simple, from the moment that she met him. Oh, sure, she had acted like he was the most annoying man to ever walk the earth – and indeed, there were times when she did feel this way – but deep inside, she was attracted to him. And he…was he attracted to_ her_? There were the smiles, the touches, the stolen glances, and then there was one moment that would be etched in her brain forever.

The hug.

Danny was the best at giving hugs, or so she had been told. Stella remarked to her one day in the break room that he rarely liked to give hugs, but when he did, they were the kind where you felt safe and protected and loved, all at the same time, and you didn't ever want to let go.

And she didn't fully believe her, laughing it off.

That is, until it happened to her.

Until she heard him call her name in the smoke-filled apartment, until she called back to him in a small, uncertain voice, until he pulled her to her feet and placed his arms on her protectively, until he pulled her into his embrace. It was then that she knew it. It was at the moment where he held her tightly and where she clung to him in sheer fear of losing his warmth and his comfort that she knew it. It was when he pulled her back and she saw the fear in his eyes, and he recognized the terror in her eyes. It was when he pulled her back against him, placing his hands protectively around her and allowing her to cling to his shirt. It was in the moment where she thought that she would never see him again. It was in the moment where she stared down the barrel of a gun…it took _that moment _to make her realize what she couldn't outwardly admit.

She was in love with Danny.

"…and I know that Danny would want to tell us who this girl is, because he's not one to hide things from people unless he's scared. And even then, I would've thought that he'd have told _you_. Unless…"

Lindsay's head snapped back to the man sitting across from her.

"Unless…what?"

Flack suddenly became very anxious and tapped his fingers against the bottle of beer. "Unless…unless Leda and Danny are…you know…"

Lindsay felt her heart constrict and she swallowed. No, if Danny was dating someone, then he wouldn't be flirting with her. If Danny and Leda were dating, then he wouldn't have been so keen to ask Lindsay out a few weeks ago…would he?

"She – uh – _did _mention that she had a boyfriend, when I tried to ask her out," Flack mentioned. Lindsay licked her lips and sighed, pushing her drink away from her.

"I'm gonna head home, if that's alright," she said, quietly, gathering all of her things with her. Flack stood hurriedly.

"Here, I'll walk out with you." Lindsay began to protest, but he held up his hand to silence her. "We're both detectives here, Lindsay. We both know what can happen in New York. Especially at night."

Lindsay nodded and allowed Flack to walk her outside. Outside of the bar, he hailed her a cab and opened the door for her, but paused momentarily.

"Linds, I don't think he would do that…to you, I mean."

Lindsay looked up at Flack and bowed her head into the cab. She nodded at Flack and then replied softly: "I…yeah." Flack placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"He couldn't do that to ya. I know how much he cares. I was probably just…jumping to conclusions about stuff."

Lindsay nodded again, and noticed that Flack's hand was still resting atop her shoulder. She placed her tiny hand over his and smiled up at him. "And I hope everything works out…for you too."

Flack sighed and gave a short laugh. "Well, even if she _isn't_ dating Danny, she's still got a boyfriend, so what can ya do?" Lindsay's smile was sad as she removed her hand from his and watched him close the door to the cab. He gave her a short wave as the cab pulled out into the night. Once he was alone on the street, the detective ran a hand through his hair, shook his head and began to walk.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"You really don't change, do you, Messer?" Leda asked with a smirk, as the man tugged on her hand. Danny looked over his shoulder at his companion and smirked.

"I _have _changed _Ms. Barnes_."

Leda halted and pulled her hand from Danny's, before crossing her arms over her chest and scowling. Danny let out a barking laugh and stepped towards the woman.

"Hey, you asked for it," he said with dancing eyes. Leda continued to scowl.

"It's _Dr. Barnes_," she said with a huff. "I spent a good deal of my life in school, and I would appreciate it, Mr. Messer, if you would remember that."

Danny continued his smirk and moved close enough to Leda so that they were nose-to-noose. "Then, Leda, I'd appreciate it if you would call me _Detective Messer_. I spent a great deal of my life…"

Leda smacked her companion, who continued to smirk in the self-satisfied way that he always had. Leda rolled her eyes as he took her hand again and continued to lead her along the street. He could be such an ass sometimes.

Leda stared up at the apartment building and rolled her eyes slightly before Danny pulled her inside. They took the elevator to his floor and she watched him fumble in his pockets for his keys. Once he found them, he unlocked his apartment door and Leda nearly fell over with shock. Danny beamed proudly.

"It – it – it's _clean_!" Leda exclaimed with wide eyes. Danny's grin threatened to split his face as he watched the woman walk around his apartment. "You _actually _cleaned!"

Danny followed her around the apartment, watching her eyes dart around in admiration and awe. "Well, after what you told me about how crappy my apartment looked…"

"…it _did _look crappy, Messer…"

"…I figured I'd do somethin' to it. Plus," he said stopping right behind where Leda was standing, "I figured you'd like seeing how I can change."

Leda turned around to find her face mere inches from Danny's. She smiled and poked a finger at him. "See? Isn't this apartment much better when it's clean? Doesn't it make a difference in how you feel?"

Danny nodded. "Yeah, I hate to admit it, but you're right, Leda. You're actually right about a lotta things."

Leda smirked, eyes dancing with satisfaction. "I try." She continued to stare up at Danny before she realized where she was…what she was doing…and what she knew would inevitably happen next if she didn't move. But she didn't move. She _couldn't_.

He reached out and brought his hand to the side of her face, before he pulled her towards him, bringing their lips together. It was quick, and sweet, and they pulled apart after a moment. Looking into Leda's eyes, Danny was lost, and he brought her face towards his again, this time kissing her with more passion, his hand tangled in her silky hair. She snaked her arms around his neck and fiddled with his jacket before slipping it off of his shoulders. She felt her own jacket fall to the floor as they continued their heated kiss. Danny led her backwards and she stumbled onto the couch, trying to unbutton his shirt. When Leda felt Danny's hands slide under her shirt, grazing her stomach, she stopped abruptly.

Danny blinked and hastily climbed off of her. "Leda, I…"

Leda ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it into place, and shook her head as she picked her coat up off the floor. "No, Danny…I shouldn't…we can't do this…"

Danny nodded. "I know…but why did we…if we can't…"

Leda stood tall, her gentle eyes melting at the sight of Danny's confusion. She placed a hand on the side of his face. "What happened in the past should stay in the past. You and I know that better than anyone else. We're different people…you…we…we just c_an't_, Danny. It was awkward enough beforehand, and now…now it would just make everything so complicated."

Danny narrowed his eyes, staring Leda down. "You're still with that jackass, aren't you?"

Leda fumbled in her purse to find her keys, avoiding Danny's gaze. He brought a finger under her chin delicately and once she was looking directly at him, he tried again. "You and Robert aren't still together, are you? After everything he's done to you, Leda…"

Leda bit her lip.

"No," Danny said simply. Leda frowned at him. "No. I can't let you do that Leda. I can't let you continue to do this to yourself…"

"Danny, I'll be fine," the woman insisted. Danny dropped his hand from her chin and shook his head.

"Like hell you will, Leda, and you know it. Don't feed me the same shit you feed to everyone else."

Leda's eyes brimmed with tears and she looked Danny squarely in the eye. "No, Danny, it's different…"

Danny grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly. "Leda, I love you, and it's not going to be any different. You're the goddamn psychologist! Listen to your reasoning! It's not makin' any sense!" he yelled. Leda let a few tears escape her eyes, before Danny started again, softer this time. "Leda…Leda…"

Leda wrenched herself from his grasp and, without another word, walked out of his apartment. Once she got to the elevator, the woman began to sob, wondering how on earth she had screwed up again.

* * *

Yeah, I know you all are probably like "WTF?"

But trust me, you'll understand later on in the story. Danny and Leda have a…complex history together. Anyway, read and review for now, please!


	3. Reminiscent

**Thank you to all who are continuing to support this story, despite the fact that it may not be going as you had anticipated. Nevertheless, if you read my summary it says '_eventual DL and FlackOC_' which can only mean that things will turn out alright in the end…right? I am glad that you all love Leda, because I love her too! And – inspired by sugah's story _Ghosts in the Wind _– this chapter is devoted to Dr. Barnes, because we're going backwards in time a bit to understand how she and Danny met. And thus, I dedicate this chapter to sugah and to Terra McQueen, because I am quite certain that the spirit of Terra influenced me to write Leda. ;)**

_Disclaimer: I assume that by reading this, you realize that I indeed do not own CBS and, thus, cannot own CSI:NY. Therefore, don't sue me. BUT I do own my characters. Take Leda and die. Was that threatening enough? LOL. Good. I also do not own any lyrics, quotes, etc. throughout this story._

* * *

Chapter Three: Reminiscent

_A poor torn heart, a tattered heart,_

_That sat it down to rest,_

_Nor noticed that the ebbing day_

_Flowed silver to the west,_

_Nor noticed night did soft descend_

_Nor constellations burn,_

_Intent upon the vision_

_Of latitudes unknown._

**-- Emily Dickinson**

Leda was the kind of woman who had been given the natural gift of empathy. And that is why she made a wonderful psychologist.

Her mother always told her that it - her apparent gift of empathy - started when she was two years old – she would play with her stuffed animals, talking to them, and asking them about their day. Her mother believed that it was a sign that Leda would eventually become a very creative and insightful adult. Mr. Wiggles – Leda's stuffed monkey, and one of her first "patients" – thought so too. And whenever she felt like her job was getting the best of her, Leda would pull out the old tattered animal, stare at it momentarily, and convince herself that the psychological world was where she was meant to be.

Leda's empathy continued to develop throughout her early childhood, and the psychologist recalled one of her best friends Mary. Poor, poor Mary went away to summer camp one year, only to return with her parents' claim that her turtle Speedy "ran away". Mary sobbed to Leda and told her that she knew better than to believe her parents – how fast _could _a turtle have run anyway? – and Leda embraced her companion with open arms, claiming that everything would be alright in the end, and that even though Speedy was gone, his spirit would live on. The next week, Leda helped Mary pick out a new pet – Speedy II – and watched her best friend's eyes light up as she played with the turtle.

And in her teenage years, Leda always had one role – the listener. She was the go-to girl for her closest friends. If anyone had a dilemma, they would go to Leda Barnes. Boyfriend issues? Leda could handle those. She always knew exactly what to say. And she was good for that sort of thing – listening, and trying her best to appease a person's troubles or worries. Although sometimes the problem couldn't be solved with a good twenty minute conversation over pizza in Little Anthony's, most days it was just enough for everyone to know that she was there, and that someone _was_ listening.

And that was how she met Danny.

Well, sort of.

After Leda completed all of the courses to earn her Doctorate, she moved from her home state of Texas to New York City. It was quite a change, moving from the Midwestern United States to the heart of the city – but she enjoyed it, nonetheless. She had some relatives in upstate New York, but she found the city enthralling, with all of its face-paced commotion and vibrant settings. She had even made a few friends, and had settled into an apartment. She was beginning to feel at ease with living in a new place – a place that she could eventually call home.

After the initial settling, Leda decided to open her own practice. It was a tiny little office, but she didn't care – it was worth it. Seeing her name printed on the door…it was then that she knew it was all worth it - all of her efforts in school, all of the slaving over books, all of the countless hours she had spent at the library…seeing her name written there made it _all _worth it. Her name meant that she was no longer a part of the crowd of nothings in the world – she had finally made her mark, and was becoming a _someone_; a someone who made a difference in the lives of others. An anyone or no one's savior – yes, she was that _someone._

And then, she met Danny.

Well, sort of.

She wished that it had been under different circumstances, because then maybe things would have worked out for them. Or maybe not. She and Danny were both the negative ends of the magnet, and unfortunately for them, sometimes they were _too _similar. Sure, they each had their nuances about them, but she wanted the window seat just as much as he did, and he was willing to fight for it. But then again, so was she. They were both headstrong – stubborn, being a more blatant way of putting it – and sometimes they clashed because of it.

But she knew that Danny would change her life, for better or for worse. She just didn't know exactly what she wanted out of their relationship. And neither did he. But then again, they both knew _exactly _what they wanted – quite possibly, they just didn't find it all in each other. They needed to find that positive end of the magnet to balance them out.

He was a talker, and so was she. But the day that she met him, she was a listener. She was _his _listener.

Or, more technically, she was his _therapist_.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda had briefly heard – through the throng of gossipers that walked through the hallways of the building where her practice was – that a Detective had died recently, and the New York City Crime Lab was pretty shaken up about it.

"I'll tell you one thing," whispered a woman to her companion, "if their men are half as good looking as the NYFD, I think I might have to go down to the lab and console them." The two women giggled quite happily as they entered the elevator that Leda was walking out of. The psychologist rolled her eyes and shifted a bundle of papers in her arms and proceeded to dig out the key to her practice in her purse. Frowning, she fumbled around for a moment, trying to balance the stack, which was slipping slowly from her grasp, as she felt the weight of the papers vanish from her arms.

Leda turned around to find a man staring at her with baggy eyes. His hair was tousled, and she studied him momentarily, hand still in her purse. She grasped the tiny bottle of pepper spray that was in it out of precaution, but then noted that there was a badge clipped to his pants. She stared up at the man again, and watched him flounder around for words.

"I…I uh, just…damn. Okay, I've never been to a shrink before…"

Leda smiled slightly and pulled out her key, unlocking the door and opening it welcomingly for the man. He walked inside and she followed, walking straight ahead to unlock her office door. She motioned for the man to follow, and he obliged wordlessly. Leda smiled and hummed a little bit as she drew the shades, allowing the early morning sunlight to filter into the office. She looked up from her bustling to see the man awkwardly standing by the door, still holding the folders.

The woman's eyes widened. "Oh!" she burst out, hurrying over to him, "Here, I'll take those from you. Thank you so much for holding them for me." While she was twittering around her office, the man just stood with his hands jammed in his pockets nervously surveying his surroundings. He noticed plaques on the wall – achievements, degrees, and awards and began to have second thoughts. _Man, why the hell are you at a shrink's office? You never do this kinda stuff…all this talking and getting emotional crap…_

"So," the woman said, interrupting his thoughts abruptly, "would you like to sit down? Or perhaps I could actually get your name because I hate calling people 'sir' or 'ma'am' all the time."

The man smiled, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily. "Danny Messer," he said, extending his hand toward her. Leda smiled warmly back at the man from behind her blue-green eyes.

"I'm Dr. Leda Barnes," she replied, shaking the man's hand. She studied him, as she did with most patients who entered her practice without an appointment. She mainly sized him up in order to try and decipher his problem. His hair – apart from being a tad bit messy – seemed to have been groomed recently. Alright, so he didn't appear to be plagued with a substance abuse problem – she could tell that by looking into his eyes, which were a curious shade of blue, almost like a stormy sea, dark and somehow foreboding, yet strangely warm at the same time. Taking in his general demeanor – the casual blue polo and jeans that he was wearing – she was fairly certain that he didn't have any severe problems, which left a few things to wander into Leda's mind as they sat down, opposite each other, on the couches. Either he was suffering from some form of trauma, or his problems that were internal had not manifested themselves externally yet.

She hoped it was the former, because those issues were far easier to deal with. And, diagnosing and treating traumatic events was her specialty.

The pair sat in silence for a few moments, the early morning rumble of cars being their only companion. Leda watched Danny fidget with his hands. She stared at him invitingly, waiting for the man to disclose the reason he came. She didn't mind waiting though – it is what most of her days consisted of. Usually, patients would not spill their lives stories within the first five minutes of their arrival – some of the deeper wounds took time to heal. Lots of time, lots of patience, and lots of reassurance was what Leda found most key in clinical psychology.

When Danny didn't make the first move, Leda decided to try and break the ice. "So…are you a cop, or was that badge just a way to impress women on the street?"

Danny smiled a little bit, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Nah, I'm actually a cop…detective. I work as a Crime Scene Investigator, a CSI, ya know."

Leda nodded and didn't bother to pick up her infamous psychologist's notepad. She merely listened, for the time being. "So, you like being a CSI? Personally…I could never work with dead bodies." Leda shuddered. "Too much gore."

Danny chuckled at the woman's response to his profession. "Yeah, I get that a lot. But ya know, sometimes workin' with the dead is easier than workin' with the living."

Leda's lips curved into a smile. "Very insightful, Mr. Messer."

Danny laughed and Leda noticed his blue eyes twinkling. Slowly, she was being able to breach the uncomfortable gap between doctor and patient. She twirled a pen absentmindedly in her hand while glancing out the window. The morning sunlight was warm against her face, and she could faintly hear the sound of a bird's melody. She wondered how she had taken it all for granted – this life – and how she could _remain _to take it all for granted and isolate herself from the outside world. Maybe she should start taking walks. Yes, walks would do her some good, now wouldn't they? She could take a walk in Central Park every now and again…just to get some fresh air, and feel a touch of nature…just enough to remind her that she was alive.

"I came…well, because I was pretty much forced to…"

Leda snapped away from her fantasy world and looked at the man across from her who was staring out of the same window she had been.

"Who made you come?" Leda asked curiously.

Danny rolled his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. "Stella. She said that she thought talkin' to someone would be good for me, because of what just happened and all. She said that when she talked to a shrink after her whole experience with Frankie, it made her feel a hell of a lot better." Danny paused momentarily and looked at Leda, leaning forward in his seat, and whispered loudly: "But I always hated talkin' to shrinks."

Leda smirked and mimicked Danny's action, leaning forward in her seat. She whispered loudly back to him. "What do you think you're doing now?"

Danny stared at her for a moment before he leaned back in his seat. "See, this is…different. You're different. Ya don't feel like a shrink. I mean, you _are_, obviously, but it feels…different."

"Hopefully in a good way," Leda replied.

Danny nodded his head affirming the statement. "You're easy to talk to and you don't bombard me with questions like…"

"Like: 'But how does that make you _feel_?' Nah, I understand. I'm not that kinda shrink," Leda said with a smile. Danny smiled back. Leda paused for a moment before deciding that she had earned his trust. So, she plowed on.

"But Danny...you're here for a reason. Most people don't like to visit me this early. Hell, if I was a patient, I wouldn't want to visit _me_ this early."

Danny stared at his hands for a moment before running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, but…it…I mean, she…it all happened too fast. I was supposed to have dinner with her, and she's gone, ya know?"

"Who's gone?" Leda asked gently. Danny's blue eyes grew glassy.

"Aiden Burn," he said softly. Leda moistened her lips out of habit, and leaned forward once more in her seat.

"Hey…"

Danny looked up, visibly trying to hold back tears. Leda smiled sadly.

"It's okay to cry. Trust me. You wouldn't believe how many tough people I have had in here break down. It's natural. We all break down at some time."

Danny nodded slowly, and when he spoke, his voice was raspy.

"She was my best friend. She was my partner. She was my sister…and she's gone."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

During her first early morning session with Danny Messer, Leda learned quite a lot of things – perhaps more than Danny learned by seeing _her_.

She learned that eventually, even the tough ones break down. Oh, she had seen men traumatized by 9/11 walk into her office with their heads held high and chests puffed out, insisting that their wives "made them do this" and that they "hated talking". But when Leda was finally able to gently tug at their inner strings, she found that most of the men relayed feelings of sorrow, of hurt, and guilt over things in their past.

And that was another thing that Leda learned. Everyone has a past. Leda recognized that she had a past, a history that wasn't too terrible – she had a good family, for the most part, and was fairly well-liked in her high school and college years. She wasn't prom queen or valedictorian, but all the same, she had muddled through life fairly unscathed. But the vast majority of her patients were the polar opposite – divorce wreaked their homes, abuse shattered their spirits, addiction consumed their lives, and death followed shortly behind it all, ready to devour anything that breathed. And Leda was determined to fight all of it – to slay addiction and hopelessness and suicide and divorce – and prove to these people that life was worth living.

Oh, how ironic her life had become, really. She could talk and talk and talk to Danny Messer, and assure him that eventually, he would find some reason to Aiden's death. As terrible as it seemed to him at the moment, eventually he would be able to move on. But he was scared, and with good reason. How could someone promise him hope when all hope seemed lost? How could someone assure him that – even though his best friend had died – life would go on?

"I won't sit here and preach to you," Leda said as she concluded her hour-long talk with Danny, "I won't tell you that everything will be alright instantaneously. I wouldn't lie to you and say that all of these feelings and all of these emotions will just disappear by the time you wake up tomorrow. I can't tell you to bury your feelings, to consume yourself in your work, and to avoid getting to close to someone for fear of losing them. I can't tell you what you should and should not do, Danny. I am merely telling you that sometimes, life isn't fair. But there _is _a hope, somewhere out there. You may not find it today or tomorrow, or next week either. But it's there, Danny. Don't give up. That's the only advice I can give to you."

Danny wiped his glasses on his shirt and placed them back on. He looked at Leda and breathed a sigh.

"Thank you…and I – I really mean that. I actually am not what you'd call a 'talker' or anything, but…"

Leda simply nodded in understanding. Danny gave a slight laugh and smiled at her. "…yeah, I guess you understand, don't ya?"

Leda smiled back at Danny and pulled her trusty palm pilot out of her purse. Danny looked over at the palm pilot hesitantly. Leda noticed this and continued to poke at the screen. "Don't worry, Danny, I'm not going to be one of those badgering psychologists who calls their patients every five minutes to see if anything has changed." Leda looked up to find Danny grinning. "But I _would _like to see you again, sometime," she replied honestly.

Danny smirked. "Most women tell me that."

Leda rolled her eyes. "Your charm is what draws them in then, I suppose?" Danny's self-confident smirk reached all the way to his brilliant blue eyes. "Or is it your humility that women find such an attractive quality?"

Danny let out a bark and Leda smirked. She then removed her glasses and yawned wearily. Danny noted this and checked his watch.

"God, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize what time it was. I mean, you must have people waitin' for you…"

Leda waved her hand and finished yawning. "No, no, it's alright Danny, trust me." Leda saw the hint of relief in Danny's eyes and she rose to her feet, walking towards her desk. "Feel free to call me anytime you need me. Chances are, between both of our jobs, we'll find some time that would work."

Danny chuckled and took the business card after only a slight hesitation. When the two reached the door to Leda's office, Danny paused and turned around to face the young woman. "Thank you," he said honestly. He then extended his hand, which Leda took, and it happened.

Leda knew it, right then and there. When her hand was in his and she was staring into his blue eyes, she knew that only one of two things would happen. Either he would become just a patient, a close patient, someone who relied on her…or…

She feared the other option.

Or she would fall in love with him.

* * *

**Mmkay, so I think that is where I shall stop for today. Thank you to all who are reviewing this story and are enjoying it. Sorry for the sporadic updates and such, and for the whole Danny/Leda centered chapter. There will be DL (Danny/Lindsay, that is) to come later on. Keep reviewing and have a great week!**


	4. Bring on the Men

**I have to send a big thank-you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story. I apologize again for the sporadic updates. Hopefully I will be able to update more frequently in the coming weeks, and I hope to wrap this story up by mid-August because I leave for college at the end of August! Anyway, this story will more than likely just focus a lot on Danny/Lindsay/Leda/Flack stuff, so brace yourselves for both angst and fluff! But this next chapter is devoted solely to Leda's past and present love life, and all of the males she has encountered. So, sit back, relax, and take a trip down Leda's memory lane!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Danny, Lindsay, Flack, or any other characters from CSI:NY. I do, however, own Dr. Leda Barnes. The only people I would remotely trust with borrowing her are sugah and Axellia. If you are not one of those people, please do not take her. I'll have Jack Bauer hunt you down._

* * *

Chapter Four: Bring on the Men

_So we must keep apart,_

_You there, I here, _

_With the door ajar_

_That oceans are,_

_And prayer,_

_And that pale sustenance,_

_Despair!_

**-- Emily Dickinson**

Leda leaned her head back against her pillow and tossed the book of poetry to her floor with a soft thud. _The one poem I happen to open to…of course_, she thought with an inward sigh. She had left Danny's apartment only a half an hour earlier, and now she was lying in Robert's Yankees t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants wondering exactly what had happened and – more importantly – _why _it had happened. This was life to her, an endless circle of questions, constantly looping around and seemingly never reaching any definitive conclusion. Her life, it seemed, would never be complete until she knew the answer to everything, to every little detail and murmur that was in her mind and heart.

And, she concluded, life couldn't be defined. That was her problem. She was trying to define an ambiguous concept with concrete details. Leda stared at her ceiling and laughed to herself. It was like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree – impossible. Leda glanced at the clock on her nightstand. The luminous numbers stared right back at her – 1:42am. _Another sleepless night, I suppose_, Leda thought bitterly. As she watched shadows dance across her ceiling, she stretched her arms over her head and yawned. She had been through her share of sleepless nights and days in shambles – she always had assumed that it was merely because she was a psychologist that she experienced these periods. But upon talking with other psychologist friends, she realized that this was not true – all of the other psychologists seemed…normal and so well put-together, like little cut-out people. And she just didn't fit the mold.

But the angst of her life would have to be put on hold for a night. She couldn't lie there at nearly two o'clock in the morning and ponder her life and inner workings. Tonight was the night to ponder one thing: them.

Leda pulled herself wearily from her bed and paced around her room anxiously, almost as if she thought that she could walk her problems away. She sighed and sat on the ledge of her window, watching the various cars pass beneath her in the street. And she wondered how she could be so messed up. She thought it ironic – she was supposed to be able to solve the problems of others. Yet, how could she not solve her _own _problems?

_Because they revolve around something you cannot define, Leda_, a voice whispered in her head. _They revolve around love._

And Leda shivered involuntarily. Ah, love was something which she had always had a bit of trouble with. She could give patients advice on their marriage, telling them that in order to have a happy and long marriage, they needed to communicate. She would talk endlessly to couples who had divorced, to try and make sure that the two were able to get along peaceably, especially if there were children involved. And she could counsel and counsel…but for some reason, she couldn't counsel herself.

She had never really had what one would deem a 'successful' relationship. Leda rose from the windowsill and flicked off the lights, then decided to lie back down on her bed. If she was going to get _any _sleep, it might as well be in her bed. _Plus, reminiscing about all of these old relationships just might put me to sleep anyway, _she thought with a smirk.

It was Jacob…Jacob Something-or-Other in fourth grade that she could remember as being her first 'real' crush. Oh, of course there had been other boys in years beforehand whom she had admired from afar, but Jacob was the first boy to really attract her attention. Her best friend growing up was Mary Andrews (the little girl with Speedy, the turtle), and she was the one to introduce Leda to Jacob. Leda propped herself up on her stomach and smiled. It had been quite the awkward introduction.

_Leda threw Mary a glare, but the latter merely smiled and skipped away, leaving only Jacob and Leda by the slide. All the rest of their fourth grade class was chatting or running around or playing the infamous game of four-square, while Leda and Jacob merely stared at each other in awkward silence._

"_So…Mary's told me about you. She thinks you're really cool," Jacob said in a soft, uncertain voice. Leda played with one of her braids. _

"_Uh…yeah. And you're pretty – cool…too."_

_Leda stared down at her Keds and scuffed the toe in the ground, listening to the rustle of the wood chips. When she looked back up, Jacob met her eyes for a moment before the two quickly resumed staring at the ground. Suddenly, Leda began to giggle. Jacob looked up, confused._

"_What's funny?"_

_Leda choked out an answer between laughs. "We…we…we're so funny. This is so funny!"_

_And Jacob's face slowly turned from one of confusion to one of amusement as he began to laugh. "This was pretty dumb, wasn't it?" he asked. Leda nodded and looked at Jacob honestly._

"_Seriously, Mary was trying to get us to be all boyfriendy and girlfriendy."_

_Jacob stopped laughing. "You…you don't want to be?"_

_Leda looked at Jacob seriously. "No…I mean, I DO want to, but just…how Mary tried to act like Cupid was funny and all. We can just be boyfriend and girlfriend ourselves. We don't need anyone else to help us, right?"_

_Jacob frowned for a moment, but then nodded. "Yeah, we can do it!" He smiled at Leda and grabbed her hand, dragging her to the swings. "C'mon," he replied over his shoulder, "I know how to go really high on these!" And Leda merely laughed and let herself be swept into the swings by Jacob._

"I wish life was as easy as it was back then," Leda said with a little shake of her head. The psychologist heaved a sigh and continued her reminiscing. After Jacob, there had been a few more of what she deemed 'important' males that had entered her life. The next one had been…Brad, was it? "No, not Brad," Leda replied aloud. She frowned in concentration. "Was it Michael? Or had Taylor? No, I never dated a Taylor…or a Michael, I think…" At last, Leda snapped her fingers and smiled.

It had been David.

How could she have forgotten _him_, of all people?

Leda had met David in ninth grade, and had instantly fallen for him. It was odd though – he wasn't a football player, he wasn't voted 'Best Smile' or 'Best Hair'. In fact, he was a theatre nerd and a chorus geek. But he was adorable, outspoken, and highly intelligent. Leda smiled and recalled the day that she had met him.

_Leda scanned the list of call-backs, her finger trailing down the paper until she gasped. There, in black and white was her name. She had gotten a callback for Juliet. Mary let out a squeal beside her and the two hugged._

"_You did it!" Mary replied with a grin. Leda shook her head._

"_No, not yet. I just got called back. I might not get cast."_

"_I don't mean to interrupt, but I'm sure that you'll do fine," said a male voice. Leda and Mary turned simultaneously to find themselves staring at a boy with floppy dark hair and glasses. _

"_Oh…well, I…" Leda floundered for words and mentally kicked herself for sounding like an idiot. David flashed Leda a smile._

"_Is this your first time auditioning for something?" he asked politely. Leda nodded and David scanned the list from where he stood._

"_Well, I guess I'll be seeing you at callbacks then," he said with another smile. And just as quickly as he had appeared, he had gone. Mary stared at the list intently and let out a soft 'Aha!' Leda frowned._

"_What?"_

_A grinning Mary pointed to the name 'David Hall' and ran her finger in an imaginary line towards the role he had been called back for. Leda rolled her eyes. _

"_Of course: Romeo."_

While Leda never got cast as Juliet (she had been assigned the role of the Nurse, which she enjoyed immensely), the meeting with David had sparked a new chapter in her life – she and David began to date, and lasted through the rest of high school. He always treated her well, made her laugh, and comforted her when she needed it.

Leda smiled thoughtfully. One night, she walked out of David's house, bawling her eyes out because one of her close friends had just passed away.

_David called out through the night air. "Leda! Leda, wait!"_

_Leda turned around, eyes puffy and raw from crying so hard. She sniffed in response. Her boyfriend put a comforting hand on her shoulder and gently guided her to her car. "If you want to drive home, I'm alright with that," he assured. David paused. "But I'm following you there to make sure you get home okay."_

_Leda began to protest, but David shook his head and helped her into her car. The young woman drove in silent thought until she parked the car at her home. True to his word, David was right behind her the entire drive. He too, parked his car and got out. Leda walked towards her front door and pulled out her key, intent upon going inside and crying for another few hours alone. _

"_Hey, Leda," David said with gentle eyes, "I'm going to come inside and tuck you in."_

_Leda spoke. "…what?" she asked with confusion etched on her face. David smiled sadly and gently guided Leda into her home._

"_I'm tucking you into bed. Now, go into the bathroom and change into your pajamas," he repeated gently. Leda, although still confused, let David guide her through her own house and into her bedroom. The young woman, numb and too tired from crying to protest, did what David told her and changed into her pajamas. When she came out of the bathroom, David was seated on her bed. He had folded back the covers and Leda's favorite stuffed monkey in his hand. _

_At the sight of such a caring boyfriend, Leda broke down in tears again. David rose from the bed and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, soothingly stroking her hair. "Listen to me," he said softly. Leda's sobs quieted momentarily. David pulled Leda back from the embrace and stared directly into her steel blue eyes. "I'm going to tuck you in and you have to promise me that you're going to try and stop crying tonight. You're going to wear yourself out, babe. Please, try and just get some rest, okay?"_

_Leda sniffed and then nodded her head slowly. David took her arm and led her around to the side of the bed and allowed her to get in. Once Leda was clutching her stuffed animal and was safely in bed, David placed a sweet kiss on her forehead. Leda smiled, for the first time that day and looked up at him._

"_What did I do to deserve you?" she asked. David smiled back._

"_You stole my heart."_

"That was probably my most stable relationship," Leda thought aloud. "And my first true love," she added as an afterthought. And she paused, trying to remember why it didn't work between them – the long-distance relationship had been the issue. Leda had remained in Texas to attend college, while David had ventured off to Massachusetts. The love between them never diminished, she recalled. It was just that it was difficult to have a relationship with someone whom you never saw. Leda sighed. She missed David and wondered how he was doing. _Maybe I'll try and find that old yearbook sometime_, she thought to herself. Yawning, Leda realized that recalling old memories was doing its trick – she was slowly falling asleep.

The woman pursed her lips and tried to recall who her college boyfriends were. None of them were serious enough to be mentioned – Matthew had gone to the spring formal with her and they dated for a few weeks in freshman year, Joey was her on-again, off-again boyfriend through most of sophomore year, Micah was junior year, and…Leda paused and tried to remember who she dated senior year. She laughed aloud and remembered after a moment of hesitation.

_Leda flung herself onto the sofa next to her roommate Nicole. "I am so sick of boys," the former groaned. Nicole looked up from her movie and nodded._

"_Join the club, sweetheart." _

_Leda was silent for a moment. "Then let's make a pact," she proposed. Nicole paused the movie and stared at her roommate curiously. _

"_A pact?" Nicole echoed. _

_Leda nodded. "Yeah, a pact. Let's swear off dating for the rest of our senior year."_

_Nicole raised her eyebrows. "You sure you wanna do this?"_

_Leda bobbed her head eagerly. "I am so sick of this whole dating thing. I figure that it'll be good practice for grad school, ya know? I can't be distracted by chasing guys. I need to focus on my career, be independent, that sort of thing."_

_Nicole stared at Leda and nodded her head once. "Alright," she affirmed, extending her hand towards Leda's outstretched one. The pair shook hands and smiled. _

And for a while, Leda's love life had been at a standstill. She had fought battles, climbed mountains, and done everything in her power to avoid getting tangled in another romance. And it had worked.

Until she moved to New York City.

It was on a cloudy summer's day that Leda had met Robert. She stared blankly into the vast darkness of her apartment as she recalled their chance encounter.

_Leda walked through the bookstore, and let out a soft but triumphant 'Aha!' as she pulled the last copy of __Jane Eyre__ from the shelf. Smiling, the psychologist opened to the first page and began reading, intent on getting a few pages in before she bought it. However, Leda failed to notice that she was about to walk into someone. And it wasn't until she was stumbling into a table that the realization hit her. _

"_Oh my God, I am so sorry." _

_Leda rubbed her tailbone where she had connected with the table and saw a man standing in front of her who was rapidly apologizing. He was tall, with chestnut colored hair and passionate brown eyes that Leda was instantly drawn to. Leda shook her head, but allowed the man to take her hand and pull her to her feet._

"_No, it's not a problem at all," she assured him. Leda smiled and introduced herself. "I'm Dr. Leda Barnes."_

_The corners of the man's lips curved into a smile. "I'm Robert Frost," he said. Leda raised an eyebrow and Robert let out a light-hearted laugh. "Yeah, I get that look all the time," he assured her. "And it doesn't help that I actually am an English professor, either. The jesting never stops," he added with a wink._

_Leda laughed. "Oh, I'm sure. So, where do you teach?" _

"_NYU," Robert said. He glanced at his watch quickly and frowned. "And if I don't leave soon, my students will have my head," he remarked._

_Leda nodded and checked her own watch. "Yeah, I should probably get back to my office too." The pair stared at each other before Robert pulled out a piece of paper and pen, and scrawled something onto it. He handed the paper to Leda._

"_I figure that I owe you lunch or something for nearly barreling you over," he said, brown eyes twinkling. "So, give me a call and we might be able to try and figure something out…if you want to, that is," he added hastily. _

_Leda smiled and tucked the paper in her purse. "Sure. I'll definitely do that."_

_Robert nodded and turned to walk in the direction of the door. He paused, however, and looked back at Leda. "Good choice, by the way," he remarked._

_Leda frowned and then stared at the book in her hands and laughed. _

At the present moment, Leda was staring at the ceiling, blinking back tears. She played with a strand of her auburn hair and wondered exactly what had gone wrong with Robert. True, she was still 'with' him, but their relationship had more rocks than the side of a mountain. They were always on Ross-and-Rachel breaks, and had been through more fights than she ever thought humanly plausible in a relationship.

And still, she stayed with him. He…he was familiarity to her. His shirt, his scent, his voice – those were all things which she had grown accustomed to. Even when he yelled, and on the occasions where he had been drunk and had hit her, as sick and demented as it sounded, she grew to rely on those things. She expected them to happen. Nothing was foreign to her in the relationship with Robert. Nothing.

Maybe that's why she was so scared to leave him. She feared the unknown. Maybe…maybe…

"Eremophobia," Leda muttered dryly to herself. The fear of being alone. "Eleutherophobia," she recited. The fear of freedom. What _exactly _was tying her down? What were the heavy shackles on her feet made of?

"And how do I get out of them?" she wondered. Crawling deeper in the covers, Leda recalled more and more of her relationship with Robert. They had gone dancing, gone to the movies, and had their first kiss outside of her apartment door. She had never considered him to be anything shy of wonderful. Until…until one day he lost his temper and snapped. It was because of something that Leda had said that contradicted his beliefs. Leda should have known not to pick a fight – especially with her boyfriend – but it was in her nature to argue, and Robert had pushed her out of his way during their heated debate.

_Leda's cool eyes grew wide as she stared in horror at Robert. Robert shook his head and took a step towards Leda, who backed away._

"_Leda, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry with you. It wasn't your fault at all. You were right, and I should have listened to you instead of being the stubborn jackass that I am."_

_Leda's eyes softened, but still held a wary expression. "I…I forgive you."_

_Robert smiled and took her hand, leading her out of his apartment. "C'mon. Let's go get some pizza for dinner tonight. And afterwards, we'll go to Central Park."_

_Leda's smile was gentle. "Alright."_

"God, how could I be so stupid? Why the hell am I still doing this?" she screamed at the ceiling. She was going around in circles, that much was evident. She stayed with Robert because he was the only constant in her life – regardless of the fact that he was hurting her. And even when he pushed her and yelled at her, she dismissed it as 'drunken behavior' and 'repressed anger'. She could be such a psychologist sometimes.

And then, suddenly, it dawned on her, and she bolted upright in bed.

That was it. That was the problem – she was acting like a psychologist all of the time. She would talk to strangers in her 'psychologist' tone of voice. She rationalized everything that everyone did. She treated everyone like a patient, no matter if they were a family member or her best friend.

Leda shook her head. _That _was the core problem. She couldn't separate her work from her…from her _life_, from her ability to exist and maintain a sense of normalcy. She was beginning to draw parallels between her work and her life.

"Not everything in life can be solved instantly…just like everything can't be solved in one session of therapy…" Leda mused quietly to herself. And she smiled. But her smile fades as the realization of what she had to do hit her full force.

_You have to break up with Robert. Listen to Danny…_

Ah, 'listen to Danny'? She was supposed to take advice from her former patient, from the man who she had a brief relationship with while she was on a break with Robert? The man who couldn't even reveal his _own _feelings to Lindsay Monroe? She was supposed to take advice from _him_? Leda shook her head, but something stirred deep inside of her, a clawing sensation in the pit of her stomach.

She knew he was right.

Taking deep, cleansing breaths, Leda prevented herself from having any kind of panic attack, and instead weighed her options. She could stay with Robert and be comfortable and familiar. Or, she would have to venture into the unknown, take a leap and try something different, something new…something…

"…_would you like to join me?" he asked. She smiled, and paused her walk in order to look up at him._

"_I actually have a boyfriend," she replied, hoping that the old line would do the trick._

Leda's train of thought derailed momentarily, and she forgot about the growing anxiety over breaking off her relationship with Robert. Why on earth was she thinking of the detective at a time like this? Unless…

"No," Leda said, shaking her head. "No, I can _not _even think about liking someone right now. I just met the guy. He was nice. He did his job, that's all." And suddenly Leda's hands flew up to cover her mouth and she fell backwards onto the soft mattress yet again.

"Crap. Shit. Dammit," she muttered angrily. "I can't believe I left him there without saying anything. He must think I am the most arrogant person on the face of the earth." Leda paused her rant for a moment and mentally slapped herself. "And poor Lindsay. God, I hope Danny can smooth things out with her…"

_Break up with Robert, Leda. You deserve better. You don't need to put yourself through abuse, through hell and through pain in a relationship. You need to get yourself out of this mess before things get worse for you. You know what can happen, and you know that you can't let yourself get to that point. So, listen to Danny and get out now._

Danny Messer had been one of her favorite patients, and that was not entirely due to the fact that he was an amazing kisser. It was because in a patient-client relationship, Leda had always been the one to do the talking and the teaching. But with her relationship with Danny – in both the professional and personal sense – he had taught her much more than she ever taught him. He taught her to open up to others, to show compassion, to live without regrets, and to have fun. That was the kind of person that Danny was – a fun-loving, but devoted man of his work.

And Leda knew that from the moment she met him things would become interesting. Little did she know that they would become so interesting that they would become…complicated. She couldn't have imagined that she would have feelings for one of her patients, let alone _act _upon those feelings. They had kissed once while he was her therapist, and – upon referring him to Dr. Register – many times after that. And she knew that she would always care about Danny Messer, but only because he was a manifestation of the kind of man she wanted.

She didn't want Danny. She wanted someone _like _Danny. She wanted Lindsay Monroe to settle things with Danny and act upon her feelings for him. She wanted Danny to stop being such a stereotypical male and ask Lindsay out. She wanted them to have a happy ending. And _she _wanted a happy ending, as well. Just not with Daniel Messer.

Leda climbed out of her bed and walked towards her dresser, fumbling through the drawers to find something. She found her old _Thoroughly Modern Millie _t-shirt that she had purchased when the show had been on Broadway and changed into it. Staring down at Robert's t-shirt, she tossed it beside her bed, and it fell gently atop the book of Emily Dickinson poetry.

She never liked the Yankees anyway.

* * *

**Again, I must apologize for the delay in posting. This chapter has been in my mind for a while, and it has finally worked its way onto my word processor. This is the last chapter for a while, I believe, where I will focus solely on Leda's feelings. Next chapter will bring us to the infamous 'day after' – Leda has to talk to Danny about what happened between them, plus she needs to decide how to break things off with Robert, and Leda has a chance encounter with Lindsay on the street. What will happen? Stay tuned to find out! **

**As always, read and hit that reply button!**


	5. It's Complicated, See

**Thank you all for your unending support with this story, and with our wonderful heroine, Dr. Leda Barnes. I truly love her character because I feel like we all can relate to her. I also feel like – through reading fanfiction – some other characters have woven their way into her personality (Taylor Turner from **_**What the Eyes Can't See **_**and Terra McQueen from **_**Ghosts in the Wind**_**, as well as a bit of Anna Price from **_**Stories of the Past/Chasing Hope**_** as well!) **

**Anyway, I thank you all immensely for reading and reviewing. It's the 'morning after' chapter, so my characters have a LOT of talking to do – more specifically Danny and Leda have some things to work out. And now, onto the show!**

_Disclaimer: I own Dr. Leda Barnes, and that's about it, besides the minor walk-on characters. I don't own CSI:NY, so please, don't sue. I need the money for college._

* * *

Chapter Five: It's Complicated, See…

_Our share of night to bear,_

_Our share of morning,_

_Our blank of bliss to fill,_

_Our blank in scorning._

_Here a star, there a star,_

_Some lose their way._

_Here a mist, there a mist,_

_Afterwards—day!_

**--Emily Dickinson**

Leda stirred in her bed and buried herself further underneath the covers, determined to drown out the irritating voice of the woman on the radio. She flung the alarm clock to the floor and listened to its muffled song for a moment more before she groaned and threw a leg over the side of her bed. She wasn't a morning person at all. And that was a shame, because she had an early appointment that morning, and would have non-stop appointments until 1:30 that afternoon. Staggering around the room, Leda tried to recall where she placed her cell phone, and located it on her kitchen table along with her glasses. It was a pity, she thought, that she wasn't more organized. She put on her glasses, hit number five on her speed dial and listened to it ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, listen, it's me…I think we need to talk about what happened last night. You free for lunch today?"

Leda heard the sound of sheets rustling. "God, Leda, you _do _realize that it's 5:49 right now, don't ya?"

Leda ambled around her kitchen, preparing herself a thermos of coffee for the road. "Yeah, whatever," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand, "but we need to talk, so are you free around 1:45ish?"

She could hear Danny sigh. "Yeah, yeah, but I might be a little late dependin' on the cases we got today. Where'd you have in mind?"

Leda shrugged and popped two slices of bread into her toaster. "Sal's sound good for you today?"

"Fine with me," Danny said groggily. "Leda, I…"

"Save it for lunch, Messer," Leda replied opening her fridge and peering into its depths for the butter and jam. "Oh," she added before Danny hung up the phone, "and it's my treat today, so let's drop the chivalry for once, alright?"

Danny mumbled something incoherent on the other end of the line.

"Danny…"

"Fine, fine, whatever," he said grumpily. Leda couldn't help but laugh.

"You need to get some coffee in you before our lunch, please. You're always in such a crappy mood in the mornings."

She could see Danny rolling his eyes on the other line.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"And I just don't understand why our marriage is falling apart," Betsy whined, pulling a tissue out of the box and blowing her nose into it. Her husband was seated next to her and he let out a dramatic sigh and yelled at his wife.

"Maybe it's because you were having an affair with our daughter's teacher!"

Leda massaged her temple and was a hair away from snapping at both of them for being idiotic. "There are some marriages which you cannot heal," the psychologist said in a soft-spoken manner. "Sometimes, it is better for the marriage to break apart then to try and force it to stay together."

Betsy began to interrupt. "But…"

Leda's hand flew up from where she was scratching notes onto her pad and Betsy silenced immediately. Leda talked slower. "Sometimes it's better if you _just let it go and move on_," she insisted.

Rick – Betsy's husband – nodded, but Betsy didn't look entirely convinced. With narrow eyes she replied: "Well, I have to go run some errands. But thank you for your time, Dr. Barnes."

Leda forced herself to smile, though inside all she wanted to do was strangle the woman who sat across from her. Rising from the couch, she shook hands with both Betsy and Rick. "You're welcome Mr. and Mrs. Barry. Now, if you would like to return for another appointment sometime…"

"I don't think that will be at all necessary," Betsy said with a little flick of her red curls. Leda continued to smile. _Focus on not killing her, focus on not killing her…_

"Alright, then it was nice to meet you both and I wish you the best of luck."

Rick nodded politely and opened the door for his wife, and the two exited Leda's office. Once the door was firmly shut, the psychologist took a pillow and began to beat it. "I…" Punch. "…hate…" Punch. "…people!" Punch.

Leda heard a laugh from the door and looked up to see Jamie with an amused twinkle in her dark eyes. "That bad, huh?" she asked with a smile. Leda groaned and threw herself onto the patient's couch and buried her face into the pillow that she had punched.

After a moment, Leda looked up and Jamie was wandering around the office, tidying up for her. "Jamie," Leda began, rolling onto her back, "why can't people have happier lives? Why must couples feel the need to bicker and fight all the time?"

Jamie shrugged. "Probably because people are too focused on their careers anymore that they don't have any time left for their families."

Leda moistened her lips and stared at the ceiling, then at her friend. "Yeah, and it is so sad that this will probably go on for generations to come."

Jamie nodded. "Yes, it is sad." Upon inspection, Jamie decided that the office was neat enough for her liking. Leda chuckled inwardly. _That's what I get for hiring a perfectionist_, she mused. Jamie turned to walk back out into the waiting room, but paused. "Oh, I almost forgot to ask you somethin'," she said. Leda looked over towards the door. "I'm headin' home for lunch later on today and I have some leftover lasagna from last night. You want any?"

Leda shook her head and rose from her reclining position so that she was seated at the edge of the couch. "Nah, I'm actually headed out to lunch soon with a friend, but thanks Jamie."

Jamie smiled and didn't move from her position at the door. "A friend, huh?"

Leda rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. "Yeah, you remember Danny."

Jamie's eyes widened and she took a step towards her friend. "Girl, you are not seriously considering dating the man, are you?"

Leda let out a barking laugh and shook her head furiously. "No, no! What happened a few months ago was…well…" Leda paused to think of a word that defined her relationship with Danny. When she couldn't think of one, she just waved her hand in the air. "…it was nothing that will happen again. I don't want to be in a relationship with him any more than he wants to be in one with me. What's past is past, and it's best left that way."

Jamie eyed her friend as Leda rose from the couch and began to gather her bag and purse. "Uh-huh. You're saying that you can just forget that hunk of a man, like…" Jamie snapped her fingers together. "…like _that_?"

Leda's jaw dropped and she laughed. "_Hunk of a man_, Jamie? I swear to God, you'd think you weren't happily married." Leda moved past her companion into the waiting room and Jamie spun on her heels to follow.

"Leda, you _know_ I'm happily married. But you can't deny that Danny's got that whole sex appeal thing workin' in his favor," she said with a tantalizing raise of her eyebrows. Leda rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I'll admit that he _is _gorgeous, but there are plenty of other men out there in this city that are gorgeous too, you know."

Jamie smirked and Leda realized what she had just said. "No," Jamie started with a sly smile. "I don't know. Please, enlighten this old woman."

Leda sighed, a faint blush settling on her cheeks. "First of all, Jamie, you are _not _old at all. And second of all…" Leda trailed off and tried to push the cute NYPD detective out of her mind, and was saved by looking at her watch. "Well, by God, would you look at that? I have to go meet Danny now. Bye!"

Jamie rushed toward the practice door and blocked the exit. She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, no you don't. Not until I find out what other attractive males are in your life."

Leda groaned inwardly. "Look, Jamie, I'm still dating Robert…"

"Like hell you should still be seeing him. Girl, you should have broken it off with that man a long time ago."

Leda sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, I know, Jamie. And I'm going to do it this week, I swear. By the time the weekend rolls around, I should be a free woman."

"No," Jamie corrected, "by the time that the weekend rolls around you _will _be a free woman. And if he says anything or does anything to you, so help me God, I'll whoop his..."

Leda cut in. "Alright, alright. I get it Jamie." Leda moved to open the door, but Jamie stopped her.

"Cough up a name and brief physical description of this attractive male and you can be on your way to go and meet your Danny-boy."

Leda rolled her eyes and then closed them, smiling. She stared long and hard at Jamie, hoping for another way out of the hole that she landed herself in. But there was no escape. "His name is Don Flack, he's a detective for NYPD, he is tall, has dark hair and gorgeous blue eyes, now can I please go?" Leda let out in one breath.

Jamie furrowed her eyebrows. "So, you met him through Danny?"

Leda squirmed. "Not exactly." Jamie stared curiously at her friend. "Well," Leda began hesitantly, "I was on my way home last night, when…"

Jamie smacked Leda on the arm. "I _told _you to be careful, Leda!"

Leda let out an 'ow' and rubbed her arm. "I _was _being careful, Jamie, but it just happened that some homeless schizophrenic grabbed my leg, and I was about to spray him with pepper spray when Flack stepped in. I wasn't hurt, and would have been fine without him, to be honest."

Jamie shook her head and muttered an 'Uh-huh' as Leda opened the door. Jamie's face softened into a smile and she watched her friend walk towards the elevator at the end of the hall.

"Hey, Leda!" she called out. The psychologist turned around. "They say that everything happens for a reason".

Leda merely smiled and laughed as she walked into the elevator.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda drummed her fingers against the table and scanned the Italian restaurant for any sign of Danny Messer. She sighed – it seemed to be a habit of hers – and checked her watch. He was late, but then again, he said he would be late. Leda was just impatient and hated waiting.

Plus, she felt as if she were about to burst inside. She ran a hand through her hair – another habitual action – and thought about what she would say to Danny. _I don't know what happened between us, but let's make sure it never happens again_. Leda exhaled through pursed lips. No, that sounded too harsh. _Look, Danny, I think you're a great guy, but…_ Leda shook her head again. No, that wouldn't work either. As she leaned back in her chair and stared out the window of the restaurant she couldn't help but wonder _why _confronting him about their kiss was so difficult.

_It's because you feel guilty._

Leda groaned inwardly. Yeah, that was the reason. And it wasn't that she felt guilty about kissing Danny while she was still with Robert – Lord only knows that he had kissed his fare share of women while he was with Leda – but it was because she felt like she was betraying Lindsay Monroe.

And Leda had to laugh to herself. Here she was, sitting and thinking about a woman who she had briefly met the night before and would probably never see in the near future – a woman whom she only knew through what Danny had told her inside and outside of sessions. And from everything that Danny had said about her actions, her mannerisms, and her spirit, Leda knew one thing was certain.

Danny Messer was in love with her.

Of course, Leda had never told him that, although she had insinuated on plenty of occasions that Danny might have feelings for his co-worker. Danny had laughed nervously and had rubbed the back of his neck (which Leda knew that he did only when he was anxious) and had replied: "Nah, me and Montana, we're…we're two opposite people. She'd never go for a guy like me." Leda smiled and returned to reality when a waiter brought her drink to the table. Danny Messer was an intriguing man, she determined. Although he had feelings for Lindsay, he and Leda had gone through…well, a fling. She and Danny had dated for only a few weeks, but it was during that period of time that she realized exactly what he was doing – transference.

Since Danny was in love with Lindsay, he was transferring his love onto the first available woman. Leda sighed. And in her case, thankfully she had realized what Danny was doing before the two became too involved with each other. And she knew that Danny truly _did _care about her – hell, he had been one of her closest companions a few months ago. But she had severed their relationship because she knew that they both were not really in love with each other, but more or less in love with the _idea _of being in love.

And Leda mentally kicked herself, yet again. She too had used Danny for transference – since she had a broken relationship with Robert, she was trying to mend her relationship by reaching out to someone else…Danny. Danny had opened his arms and had given her everything that Robert hadn't.

Leda snapped her fingers together. "And I gave Danny the only part that he was missing from his relationship with Lindsay – physical romance." Leda beamed. She finally understood it. Her mind was still reeling from her discovery, but she had _finally _understood the complexity of her relationship with Danny. "It really isn't that complex at all," Leda said softly. She looked up and saw Danny walking towards her table.

"Here goes nothing," she mumbled.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Danny removed his glasses, wiped them on his shirt and stared at his companion as she finished her long-winded explanation.

"So…" Leda began tentatively, "…what do you think?"

Danny raised an eyebrow at Leda. "I think you need to stop going into shrink mode all the time."

Leda threw a glare at her companion. Danny held up his hands defensively. "I'm just sayin', sometimes a little bit of psychoanalyzing is fine, but ya have to draw the line somewhere."

Leda continued to glare at the man seated across from her, and he continued. "But…I do think you're completely correct in your assumptions, Dr. Barnes," he added, winking as he said her name. Leda laughed and playfully hit Danny's arm.

"Thank you Mr. Messer," she said, sticking her tongue out at him. He laughed and the two stared at each other for a moment. Leda looked down at her glass and ran her finger along the rim.

"You know," she said, not looking directly at him, "Lindsay is…Lindsay…" Leda looked up at Danny and took a breath. "She's a lucky girl, Messer."

Danny smiled genuinely and looked at Leda. "If there's anyone who's lucky, it's me," he assured her. Leda smiled and shook her head.

"Man, you are such a sap, Messer."

Danny rolled his eyes but laughed, nonetheless. Suddenly, his brilliant blue eyes grew stormy. "Did you think about what I said last night…about Robert?"

Leda fixed her gaze on the glass in front of her and nodded her head, swallowing a lump in her throat as she did so. "I have to tell you that it's not easy being me...you know, as a psychologist. I can dish out advice faster than you can say 'therapy session', but sometimes…" Leda let out a breath that she seemed to be holding inside of her and met Danny's eyes. "…sometimes it's just hard to take your own advice and you need other people to push you in the right direction."

Danny frowned and silently urged Leda to continue. The latter tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and plunged on. "And sometimes, the hardest thing to do is for someone to admit that they _need _that advice in the first place. Sometimes, people are just so stubborn and set in their ways that they delude themselves into thinking that they have control of situations which are really out of their hands. And sometimes, people make excuses for the behavior of others, no matter how vulgar, crude, or…abusive." Leda blinked back tears and felt Danny's hand over hers. She nodded. "I'm going to break up with him, Dan. It's not going to be easy, but what you said last night to me…it really stuck. I deserve better than the hell I have been putting myself through. I'm done with it." Danny squeezed Leda's hand.

"I'm proud of you, Leda. That's something that takes a lot of courage. And I'm here for you, if you need me."

Leda sniffed and nodded at Danny. "Thank you," she said with a tiny smile. She checked her watch and frowned.

"I have to get back to the office soon…oh, wait a second," Leda paused and dug through her purse to try and locate something. She pulled out her cell phone and then looked back up at Danny. "Can you give me Detective Flack's number?"

Danny leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Leda saw this and shook her head furiously. "No, no, I mean, I want to apologize for ditching him last night, and…and…you don't believe me, do you?"

Danny continued to smirk. "Nope."

Leda glared and averted her eyes from Danny's, but couldn't fight the blush creeping to her cheeks. Danny – being the CSI that he was – noticed this and his smile widened. "You like Flack, don't you?"

Leda looked up at Danny, her eyes in a steely gaze. However, she couldn't hold the gaze long, because Danny's blue eyes were dancing. "I…" she squeaked out "…I…oh, shut up, Messer."

Danny clapped his hands together and then pointed his index finger accusingly at Leda. "I _knew _it!"

Leda frowned. "Wait…I spent a whole two minutes in your company at Sullivan's last night. How the hell do you know anything?" she asked in a rather irritated manner. Danny continued to smirk and lowered his voice, leaning in towards the center of the table.

"The way that you two walked into Sullivan's last night…there seemed to be some chemistry there. Am I right, or am I right?"

Leda rolled her eyes and mumbled something. Danny cupped a hand to his ear. "What?"

Leda sighed, exasperated. "You're right," she said a bit louder. Danny nodded.

"I know that I am. See, the way that I saw you two last night reminded me of…" Danny trailed off and stared out the window, before looking back at Leda, who was grinning.

"…it reminded you of you and Lindsay, didn't it?" she finished.

Danny nodded and took Leda's cell phone from her hands, typing something in. "There ya go, kid. Call him any time you want to," Danny added with a wink. Leda smacked his arm and put the cell phone back in her purse.

She rose to leave and Danny followed. Leda shielded her eyes as she stepped out into the afternoon sunlight. She took a deep breath and turned to face Danny. "Thanks again for doing this today," she said truthfully.

Danny nodded. "It was good. We need to do this again sometime."

Leda smiled and wagged a finger at Danny. "Careful, Messer – that almost sounded like a date," she replied playfully. Danny tousled Leda's hair and the woman smacked the CSI in the chest. The pair laughed before they said their goodbyes. Leda pulled a pair of sunglasses out of her purse and walked to the right headed back towards her office, determined to burn off the hundreds of calories of Italian food that she had just consumed. As she walked, a curly head caught her attention, and she frowned. The woman was a good ten feet in front of her among a throng of people, and she could only see the back of her head, but she looked familiar...

Suddenly, a light bulb inside of Leda's mind clicked and she called out: "Lindsay Monroe!" before she even realized what she was doing. As the words escaped her lips, Leda mentally kicked herself for the umpteenth time that day.

The woman turned around and stared at her momentarily before walking towards Leda. Leda just smiled and gave a short wave as the woman approached. "Hey, you're Lindsay Monroe, right?" she asked.

Lindsay nodded and looked at Leda with her head cocked slightly. "And you're Leda…"

"…Barnes," the psychologist finished, extending her hand. Lindsay shook the woman's hand and stared at her curiously.

And before she knew what she was getting herself into, Leda opened her mouth again. "Would you like to join me for some coffee?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda called Jamie and told her that she would be running late. Thankfully, Leda's next afternoon appointment had cancelled on her, and now she was sitting at Starbucks, sipping on a White Chocolate Mocha while Lindsay was in line ordering. _Oh, great, Leda. Good job, smart girl – you just invited the girl that Danny is in love with to have coffee with you when she doesn't know that you and Danny had a fling not too long ago. Way to go, Leda._ And Leda had to admit that she had no earthly idea what compelled her to call out Lindsay's name. She sipped her coffee. Maybe she could make the best of the situation and…explain things to the CSI. _Just leave out the part where you dated Danny and you'll be fine_, she thought to herself.

Leda smiled as Lindsay sat down opposite of her. Lindsay smiled hesitantly back and drummed her fingers on the table. "So…" the latter began. Leda opened her mouth to say something when the Starbucks employee called out the name 'Lindsay'. Nodding politely to Leda, Lindsay excused herself in order to pick up her order. _What am I doing here?_ the CSI wondered silently. _After what happened last night, maybe she wants to tell me that she's dating Danny and that I should back off…_ Lindsay walked back towards where Leda was seated and mentally shook her head. _No, she seems too nice to do something like that. But then again…_

"Okay, you're probably wondering exactly what you're doing sitting and talking to me," Leda began. Lindsay nodded her head in affirmation. "Well," Leda continued, staring at her coffee for a moment. "I figure that I owe you an explanation for why I ran out of Sullivan's last night…"

Lindsay frowned. "You don't owe me…"

Leda held up her hand and interrupted. "No, no, I do. It was rude of me, and you should know the reason why, because…" Leda swallowed and continued, "…because it involves Danny as well."

Lindsay's chocolate eyes swam with emotion and Leda began to explain. "Look, Danny and I aren't together or anything like that, so I just want to get that part out in the open before I continue." Lindsay let out a soft 'oh' and looked a bit embarrassed. Leda noticed this and smiled. "It's alright if you assumed that. I would have probably done the same thing too. But the reason I ran out last night was because…I know Danny. And it was awkward seeing him again because he was my…patient."

Lindsay frowned, eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Patient?" she echoed.

Leda sighed and continued. "I'm a clinical psychologist," she explained. "And Danny came to me after Aiden's death, wanting my assistance with his grief. I was more than happy to oblige, but I assume that you do realize it was quite weird seeing him last night for the first time in a while."

Lindsay nodded her head slowly and took a sip of her coffee. "I can understand that."

Leda stared at the woman across from her with utmost curiosity. "Do you know that Danny thinks highly of you?" she asked. The CSI's head snapped up and she nearly spit her coffee out.

"Pardon?"

Leda's face brightened up and she leaned forward. "Talking woman-to-woman, and nothing more, I can tell you that he does think the world of you. I can see how even last night he lights up in your presence, and if I am not mistaken, you do the same."

Lindsay's cheeks grew red and she sputtered: "I…uh…"

Leda moistened her lips. "Now, talking as a psychologist to another woman, I can tell you that your name has come up in sessions. And while I can't divulge what was said about you or anyone else for that matter, I _can _tell you that he cares…" Leda studied the young woman's face and finished. "…a lot. He truly does."

Lindsay squirmed in her chair and Leda pressed on. "And I guess that I am just a tad bit confused as to why…why you don't seem to feel the same way."

Lindsay looked directly at Leda with tears swimming in her brown orbs. "I do, Leda, I do. But right now…I can't be in a relationship with him." Leda frowned and noticed that Lindsay's hands were trembling. She hesitantly reached out her own hand and placed it atop the CSI's.

"Lindsay…is there something wrong?" Leda asked. She searched the young woman's face. "With you, I mean," the doctor added. "Is there something deeply troubling you? Because if there is…you can tell me and it will be kept confidential unless I see the need to involve another professional."

Lindsay swallowed back tears and spoke softly. "I survived a terrible…" the young woman stared briefly out of the coffee shop's window and when her eyes met Leda's again, the psychologist could see the terror within their depths. "…a terrible crime. I was the only survivor, and I…I just can't deal with this…they want me to testify and I'm not sure that I can even…that I can face the nightmares again."

Leda gripped Lindsay's hand and looked at her seriously. Lindsay then did something unexpected and gripped Leda's hand back. "Can I make an appointment with you?" she asked hesitantly. Leda was taken aback for a moment.

"Of course you can. Here," Leda reached into her purse and pulled out a business card. "Feel free to call and that number will direct you to my secretary, Jamie. She'll schedule you for an appointment."

Lindsay took the card appreciatively. "Thank you, Leda…Dr. Barnes," she corrected. Leda smiled.

"No problem, Ms. Monroe."

And with that note, Lindsay bade Leda a farewell and exited the coffee shop to return to work. Once she was gone, Leda buried her head in her hands.

"I just offered to give therapy to the woman who is in love with the guy I slept with," she muttered. Leda looked up at the ceiling. "Great. As if my life could become any more complex!" she said in frustration.

* * *

**There you go! So, tell me what you thought of this chapter and I will be eternally grateful to you. Keep reading and reviewing because I have a lot more of this story up my sleeve, and I intend to see it through to the final chapter. Don't worry, next chapter will take us into Lindsay-land (focusing on her session with Leda), and Danny land (yeah, that'll be interesting when he finds out what Leda has agreed to do), and into DL land (because honestly, we ALL want them to get over the angst!), and then…to the break-up with Robert and Leda soon enough.**

**Have a great day and look for the next chapter sometime soon! (Maybe within the next week or so). **


	6. Psychoanalyzing

**I cannot thank you all enough for sticking with this story. Right now, it's still picking up speed. There will be more in upcoming chapters to capture your attention further. For right now, Leda is just going to try and do her job, which isn't exactly going to be easy, especially when her patient is Danny's love interest. LOL. But as always, read, review, and enjoy the next chapter!**

_Disclaimer 1: I own Leda, and that's about it. So, don't take her, unless you want a horde of rabid plot bunnies to attack you. Please and thank you!_

_Disclaimer 2: Spoilers up until "Sleight Out of Hand". However, for all intents and purposes in MY story, Danny doesn't fly out to Montana. The time frame just wasn't there for this story, and although I wanted to keep it because of the squee-worthy ending, I have something for you all next chapter that is DL related. And Lindsay flies to Montana after a few weeks after "Love Run Cold" – rather than months – to give her testimony. _

_As a result of being formulated after SooH, the part where Lindsay talks about what happened to her friends is almost exactly what she says in her testimony on the show…just letting you all know that._

_Disclaimer 3: All information about PTSD comes from the love of my life - Wikipedia!_

* * *

Chapter Six: Psychoanalyzing

_Each life converges to some centre,_

_Expressed or still;_

_Exists in every human nature_

_A goal…_

**--Emily Dickinson**

"You agreed to do _what_?"

Leda turned from where she was typing at her personal computer and met the bewildered face of Jamie. "I agreed to see Lindsay as my patient," the psychologist repeated, closing her browser.

Jamie was clearly confused. "You…you agreed to see the woman who you know Danny has feelings for?" she asked slowly. Leda nodded. "You agreed to see a woman who may never be able to tell Danny what is really going on in her life?" Leda bit her lip and nodded. "You agreed to do that?" Leda nodded, suddenly uncertain of her decision.

"Danny isn't gonna be too happy about this," Jamie said with a shake of her head. Leda rolled her eyes.

"I don't really think he _needs _to know…"

Jamie raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to tell him?"

Leda lifted a shoulder in a lazy shrug. "If he asks me what I'm doing, I'll be honest with him, but I am not going to go out of my way in order to volunteer that information."

Jamie shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever," she replied. "I'm just saying that eventually, he'll find out, and I'm not sure he'll be too keen on it, you know?"

Leda ran a hand through her hair and exhaled. "Well…he'll just have to deal with it. Lindsay needs my help and she _wants _my help, so I am not about to turn her away just because of Danny Messer."

Jamie smirked and winked. "That's my girl."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"You agreed to do _what_?"

Leda massaged her temple and groaned. _Hello déjà vu, _she thought bitterly. She looked up to see Danny standing in the doorway to her office, with wild blue eyes.

"Dan," she began quietly. Danny shook his head and pointed a finger at her accusingly.

"Don't you 'Dan' me, Leda. I can't believe you agreed to see Lindsay!"

Leda's blue-green eyes flashed with anger and hurt. She rose from where she was seated at her desk and made her way towards Danny, fists balled. Reaching around him, she shut the office door and motioned him to walk with her. When they reached the center of the room, Leda spoke.

"I agreed to see a woman who needs my assistance. I am sorry that you happen to have feelings for her, and I am sorry that I will not be able to tell you anything that happens in our sessions. For that, I am sorry," she responded, staring at Danny intently. "But I am _not _sorry for offering my assistance to someone who clearly needs it," she hissed.

Danny stood in silence for a moment and Leda plunged on. "And if you truly cared about Lindsay, you'd realize that this is what she needs for closure and accept the fact that you will not be able to run to _me _to solve everything for you."

Leda realized that her words were harsh, but she felt that Danny needed to hear the truth, no matter how brutal it was. Danny stared at Leda momentarily before he nodded.

"You're right."

"And another thing…" Leda began, holding up a finger. She stopped mid-sentence and stared at Danny, mouth slightly hanging open. "…did you just admit that I was right?"

Danny slunk down onto Leda's couch and ran a hand through his hair. "You're right," he repeated. Leda frowned and blinked repeatedly. She rubbed her temples.

"I seriously must be dreaming this because you never admit that someone else is right."

Danny looked at his hands as Leda sat down next to him. "No, you heard me," he said slowly pronouncing each word. "You were right."

Leda studied Danny's face momentarily before he continued. "What you're not right about is how much I care about Lindsay," he began. "When she went undercover and we found out that she had been made…" Leda furrowed her eyebrows and Danny looked up. "…meaning that she had been discovered," he explained. Leda's mouth made an 'oh' and Danny stared back at his hands. "…in that moment, as cheesy as it sounds, when I thought I lost her…Leda, I almost died."

Leda's eyes began to water and she took one of Danny's hands in hers, allowing him to finish his narrative. "And in that moment where I heard her call my name, I swear to God that I thought time had stopped. She…she was alive, and I felt relief like I hadn't felt before…I know what pain feels like, Leda. I lost Aiden and I lost Louie. I've lost a lot, come to think of it. But nothing…nothing compares to when I thought I was gonna lose her too."

Leda smiled and used her free hand to wipe a tear from her eye. Danny looked up, saw this, and rolled his eyes. "God, here we go. This is why I never tell women anything," he whined. Leda smacked Danny's chest and laughed.

"Shut up, Mr. Sappy," she said, wrinkling her nose and poking her tongue out at him. "It seems like you really are in love, and as a doctor – "

" – _shrink_ – "

Leda threw a glare at Danny. "…_doctor_," she reiterated. Leda shook her head and continued. "As a doctor, I have to say that you have all the obvious symptoms of being in love with her."

Danny rolled his eyes at Leda's remark. But Leda noticed the smirk that played on his lips. Leda wagged her finger in a little circle near his face before poking his nose.

"You're in love, you're in looooove!" she said in an irritatingly sing-song voice. Danny stared at her and they both burst out in laughter.

Once their laughter subsided, Leda let out a sigh and looked at Danny genuinely. "Here's what I know, Dan," she said. "I know that as a therapist, I can tell when I have made progress with a patient. I can tell when the patient has made progress themselves, without any assistance from me. And I can tell when a patient has finally overcome the obstacles that brought them into my office in the first place." Leda pushed Danny's shoulder lightly. "With you, it was easy to tell when your grief was no longer in control, and when you had finally begun to relinquish all of that pain and sorrow in your life."

Danny smiled sadly. "Yeah, and I knew that the therapy was helpin' me out."

Leda nodded. "See? That's what I am going to do with Lindsay too. When I see her finally able to let go of everything that has happened in her past, and when I can tell that she has made progress, I will be able to consider that a success."

"But what if she doesn't tell me?" Danny asked. "What if she never tells me what was wrong with her?"

Leda smiled. "The point at which she is able to tell you all that she has faced, when she can tell you all of her demons…Danny, _that _is what I mean by 'progress'. When she tells me what is wrong, I think of it as therapy. But when she tells someone else, I consider that 'success'."

Danny smiled and shook his head. "You're somethin' else, Leda."

Leda shrugged. "I'm just doing my job. What I do is provide an outlet to those who need it. Lindsay has some things in her life that she needs to deal with…something in her past is haunting her. And I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that she fights those demons. I won't fight them for her, and neither will you or anyone else. She has to fight them herself. However, I'm going to equip her with the weapons necessary to do so."

Danny raised an eyebrow and snickered. "You got any more analogies for me, Dr. Barnes?" he asked daringly.

Leda rolled her eyes but laughed, nonetheless. "Stick around, kid. I've got plenty more where that came from." Leda rose and began to organize the piles of papers and folders on her desk, separating them into different piles.

Danny leaned back in the couch, making himself comfortable and stretched his arms over his head, yawning. "So, how goes your love life, Leda?"

Leda looked back over at Danny and continued to straighten up her papers as she answered. "To tell you the truth, it's going nowhere fast with Robert. And, I think that Friday is the big night to finally break it off," she said confidently.

Danny looked pleased. "Good for you."

Leda smiled and stared out the window, not directly addressing Danny. "You know how sometimes in life, you feel like you have all of the answers and then suddenly something happens to make you realize that you don't? And then – in that moment – your world is shaken because you recognize the fact that there is something out there that is bigger than yourself…and it's scary, but wonderful and relieving all at the same time."

Danny murmured. "Yeah, I guess."

Leda turned herself to face Danny. "You know what I've realized? Sometimes, life sucks. But everything in life happens for a reason. That's my philosophy. Every crappy day, every terrible event has a purpose behind it, a lesson to teach us or something."

Danny raised his eyebrows and Leda plunged on. "And everything that we think is so wonderful and perfect in our lives is there for a reason as well. See, because when you take a step back from your life and try to see the big picture regarding things, you notice little nuances that you hadn't before. You can truly begin to see every event of your life as a little fiber, and when those fibers are interwoven with other fibers, they form this beautiful tapestry. And you wonder exactly _how _you could have been so narrow-minded and focused on the bad things when there has been this beautiful work of art right in front of your face the entire time."

Danny was silent for a moment. "…so how many more of those analogies _do _you have in that Doctorate-sized head of yours?" he asked humorously.

Leda's response was to grab a pillow from the couch and throw it at him.

Danny merely laughed and cocked his head to study his companion. "You're so intelligent Leda, that sometimes it just makes me jealous of you, ya know? I never feel that…deeply about life."

Leda shrugged. "You're not a psychologist, Danny. See, when you're a psychologist, your life revolves around the mind, so you try to wrap your _own _mind around concepts that are bigger than yourself. And sometimes that just leads you around in circles, and sometimes you come to interesting revelations, such as the one I came to."

Danny lifted a shoulder. "Eh, I'll stick to dealin' with dead people and criminals, thanks." Leda rolled her eyes. "Oh," Danny continued, a smirk on his face, "did you talk to a certain Detective yet?"

Leda raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, I did, and this certain Detective won't leave my office because he's a pain in the ass."

Danny glared. "Not funny."

Leda sighed and pulled her hair into a ponytail as she talked. "I will, I will."

Danny raised an eyebrow. "Promise?"

Leda rolled her eyes again. "Yes, _Mom_, I promise."

"Good," Danny said with a smile. Leda, upon glancing at her reflection in a mirror, sighed.

"But what difference will it make, Danny?" she asked, bordering on whining.

"He likes you, Leda."

"Yeah, well…wait, what?" Leda snapped her head up to look at Danny. "He…he told you that?"

Danny let out a laugh. "We don't discuss it over tea and cupcakes, but yeah, he's said that he likes you."

Leda's mind was reeling from the new revelation, but just as suddenly as the thoughts entered her mind, they…well, skedaddled, for lack of a better word.

"I'm not single just yet, Messer. He does remember that, right?"

Danny nodded his head slowly. "Yeah, and trust me, he wouldn't try to ask you out. You told him you had a boyfriend, and he respects that. Flack's a good guy, Leda. He's someone ya deserve. He wouldn't treat you like crap, I can tell ya that much."

Leda nodded slowly. "I, uh…I think the feelings are mutual…" she said softly.

Danny smiled genuinely. "So, you'll give it a shot, right? I mean, after you break up with Robert and all."

Leda thought for a moment. The Detective had been cute, with his attractive blue eyes and gentle characteristics. And Danny knew him better than anyone…and assured her that he wasn't a heartbreaker. _Give it a try, Leda. This is the kind of person you deserve to be with_, the voice inside of her urged.

"Sure," Leda began sarcastically, "The minute that I break it off with Robert, I'll run to get my phone and call up Don."

Danny groaned. "You know what I mean…"

"Yes," Leda finished, "I _do _know what you mean. And Danny, as much as you may not believe this, I am a big girl and can make my own decisions. Granted, I haven't always made the _right _decision, but I am a firm believer in learning from your mistakes. And I've learned from my dating experience who is right for me and who is…not."

Danny nodded his head. "Boom. There ya go."

Leda giggled and Danny looked at her curiously. Leda smiled and grabbed a folder from the top of the pile and sauntered towards the door. She stopped and spun around. "I just love it when you say 'boom'," she replied with a grin.

Danny just laughed and shook his head.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lindsay told the cab driver where to go and as the cab began to move, suddenly she felt like she was making the wrong decision. Uneasiness settled in the pit of her stomach and she swallowed. She had visited shrinks before, only because her parents had urged her. So, while the other teenagers went out to the movies or the mall on Friday nights, Lindsay had sat with Dr. Ray Rogers, who had tried to get her to open up about the horrific crime she had witnessed. Week after week, Lindsay would sit in silence, listening to the man ramble on about 'repression' and 'survivor's guilt'. She began to hate talking. As a teenager prior to the crime, she had been bubbly, outgoing, and energetic – typical characteristics of a fourteen-year old girl. But after the crime, she became reserved, quiet, and uncharacteristically timid. Dr. Rogers had ushered Lindsay's parents aside after one session and told them that Lindsay may never return to the normal girl that she once was. Lindsay's mother Diane had broke down in tears, while her father Evan merely stood in silence, tears forming behind his chestnut eyes.

Lindsay was snapped from her flashback as the cab came to a halt outside of an office building. Lindsay smiled and tipped the driver before gathering her purse and coat and stepping out into the early morning air. She stared at the looming building in front of her and for a spit second considered running back into the cab. She turned around to see the cab turning back into the New York traffic. Lindsay sighed. _Here goes nothing_, she thought.

Upon opening the door to the office building, Lindsay turned to her right and made her way into the elevator. She punched the button for the fifth floor and stood silent with the soft elevator music being her only companion. She wondered why she had asked for Leda's help – Leda, a person who she barely knew, and someone who, until last week, she thought was dating Danny.

And Lindsay played with one of her curls upon thinking of Danny Messer. She felt a gnawing pain inside of her stomach every time she did lately. For the past week she had stared at the phone every night, contemplating calling him. She had always gotten as far as picking up the receiver before she backed down. She _wanted _to tell him what was haunting her and why she had stood him up on their date. She _wanted _to tell him that she was scared and needed help. But…for some reason she _couldn't_, and she didn't know exactly what was holding her back.

She hoped that Leda could help her out with that one.

Danny…well, he had teased her incessantly on her first day. In fact, it was on that tiger case that he had given her the nickname 'Montana'. She had rolled her eyes at his seeming immaturity and had originally hated not being called by her actual name. Everyone else – Mac, Stella, Flack, Hawkes, Adam, Hammerback – had called her 'Lindsay'. It was only Danny who found the need to call her 'Montana'. And when Hammerback had told her the reason…well, she had nearly fallen over. Because in that moment, it had all made perfect sense – his teasing, the stolen glances, the bantering and smiles, and the nickname of 'Montana'…it was because he had a crush on her.

And Lindsay didn't deny that she had feelings for him as well. When her undercover work went awry, all she wanted was for Danny to hold her close and make everything alright. All of the bantering, all of the flirtatious actions and glances were pushed from her mind – she just wanted to cling to him and never let go. And in the days following the jewelry store robbery and her undercover operation, Lindsay realized that her feelings for Danny ran much deeper than 'flirting'. She was in love with him. But she was scared, with good reason. She had heard of his 'player' status all around the lab, and it intimidated her. Would she end up as one of Danny Messer's latest conquests? Would she have to sit on a shelf of his victories next to the other gorgeous blondes and curvy brunettes? Or would something be different?

But those thoughts were not the reason why she stood him up. She had received a call from Montana asking her to testify in a case…a case that she _thought_ she had escaped from. A case that plagued her and haunted her wherever she went…and she couldn't face her demons that night, let alone Danny Messer. No, she had pushed him away, hoping that by not allowing him into her innermost pains and struggles that it would make the pain of pushing him away in the first place lessen. But it didn't. And _he _didn't – back down, that is. Wherever she went, he was offering her support. He…he had every reason to run the other direction, forget about Lindsay, and hook up with some other woman.

But he didn't. And it made the pain that much worse for her.

All she knew was that eventually, she had to tell someone what happened years ago in Montana. And her day was today. Lindsay stepped out of the elevator and walked towards a door. She paused outside and read the calligraphy. _Dr. Leda Barnes, Clinical Psychologist, Ph.D. _Taking a deep breath, Lindsay opened the door and entered the office.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie surveyed the tiny waiting room which was densely populated. A few of Leda's regular patients lounged by the magazine rack or sat lazily fiddling with their cell phones. The door opened and Jamie continued typing away at her computer. She was interrupted by a quiet female voice.

"Hi, I'm here for an appointment."

Jamie looked up and smiled. "Sure thing, hun. What's your name?"

"Lindsay Monroe."

Jamie handed the young woman the sign-in chart and her mind reeled. _Lindsay Monroe…where had she heard that name before? Lindsay Mon…oh._

When Lindsay finished signing in, Jamie took the clipboard back and smiled politely. "Dr. Barnes will be with you shortly. You can have a seat until I call ya in."

Lindsay nodded and picked an open seat. Jamie rose from behind her desk and knocked lightly on Leda's office door before opening it. Leda was inside, stumbling around the room, apparently searching for something, a cordless phone practically glued to her ear.

"Yes," Leda explained to the person on the other line, "I am sending Mr. Hill to you…yes, I am fully aware of his condition which is _why _I am…no, of course I don't expect you to see him right away. I merely am telling you this because I believe Mr. Hill has a medical condition, and as a psychiatrist you can prescribe him medication…uh-huh…uh-huh…yes," Leda looked around her pile of folders, intent on finding Mr. Hill's. Jamie walked toward Leda's desk and pulled the third folder out from underneath a stack, then smiled, handing it to her. Leda's eyes widened and she mouthed 'Thank you'. "…yes, I have Mr. Hill's folder with me and I will send you his information. Alright? Thank you very much Dr. Bedford."

Leda hung up the phone and groaned. "Oh, how that man annoys me," she muttered, wringing the folder in her hands. Jamie chuckled. Leda sighed and shook her hair free from her clip before staring at Jamie curiously. "Was there something you needed, Jamie?"

"Yeah, you're 3 o'clock is here for you…Ms. Lindsay Monroe."

Leda smiled and exhaled. "Alright, then….send her in, please."

Jamie put a hand on Leda's arm. "You'll do fine. Just treat her like any other patient…"

Leda waved her hand dismissively in the air. "Yeah, yeah. I'll try."

Jamie gave her friend one last encouraging glance before poking her head out from the office door and calling Lindsay's name. The CSI rose from her chair and walked into the office. Jamie smiled at Lindsay and shut the door, walking back into the waiting room. Leda ran a hand through her damp hair and then motioned to her infamous couch.

"Take a seat, Ms. Monroe," she offered.

Lindsay smiled shyly and sat down, placing her purse on the floor. Leda settled into the couch across from Lindsay and yawned.

"Sorry," Leda apologized. "I've been a bit tired lately."

Lindsay shrugged. "It's okay. I've been worn-out too."

Leda cocked her head to the side. "Really? You don't look it."

Lindsay smiled bashfully. "That's the art of concealer."

Leda settled into her couch. "True," she replied with a smile. She watched Lindsay stifle her own yawn. "So, you don't sleep a lot?"

Lindsay lifted a shoulder in shrug. "It depends on the night…and the case from that day."

"I could never do what you do," Leda admitted with a low whistle. "I could never deal with that…bodies and criminals and wondering _why _something happened."

Lindsay's dark eyes misted. "That's my problem. I always want to know the reason why…"

Leda furrowed her eyebrows. "How is that a problem?"

Lindsay looked at her hands. "What happens when there _is _no reason? What do you do when something happens and you just can't explain _why_?"

The room was silent for a minute before Leda answered. "Then you admit that you don't have all of the answers and try to accept it. It's not easy, but sometimes things in life just can't be explained, especially when something tragic happens."

Lindsay tucked a curl behind her ear and fiddled with her hands. "I…a long time ago, something happened to me that I've never been able to fully recover from."

Leda listened intently, but said nothing in order to allow Lindsay to continue. The CSI took a deep, steadying breath and continued. "When I was fourteen years old, I witnessed a…a terrible and gruesome crime."

There was silence as Lindsay stared at her hands, tears slipping down her face. Leda's eyes grew warmer and more compassionate. "Lindsay, it's okay. You can trust me."

Lindsay looked up, chocolate eyes swimming with tears and nodded. "I was out with my friends…we always used to love hanging out at this little café in town. We were talking about what our plans for the summer were. We talked about boys incessantly. Kelly was obsessed with Jake Landon, who was the local heartthrob…They were goofing off and laughing, and we were going to order dessert soon. Deena was so OCD about everything. She told me to go get up and wash my hands before we ordered pie. I told her that she was way too picky…" Lindsay chuckled to herself. "Sarah told us that we didn't need to be hyped up more than we were already…"

Lindsay stared off into the distance and continued her somber narrative. "I wasn't…I wasn't even in there more than a minute and I heard the bell above the café door chime. The next thing I remember was hearing shots fired. I heard them…I heard them screaming…"

Leda's eyes began to swim with her own tears. She had no idea…

Lindsay swallowed the sobs in her throat and continued. "And I sunk to the floor and covered my ears and just started crying. I…I knew he was out there and I got scared because the faucet was still running. I thought he would hear it…but he didn't, for some reason. And, I don't know why I did it, but I opened the door a crack and peered out…"

Leda wiped her eyes. "What did you see, Lindsay?" she asked quietly.

"I saw a man with a shotgun…he was covered in blood…_my friends'_ blood. God, I still can't get the images out of my mind sometimes...I can't sleep at night because I see their faces. And I see the mothers of my friends. And I can't help but wish sometimes that I had stayed at the table for a minute longer. Maybe then I could have…"

Leda shook her head, a mass of auburn bouncing on her shoulders. "No, Lindsay. You couldn't have _done _anything. You would have been killed with them and – "

"Sometimes I think that it would have been better that way!" Lindsay sobbed. Her petite body shook and Leda stared helplessly as Lindsay buried her head in her hands. After a minute, she looked up with tear-stained eyes. "Sometimes, I wish that I could be with them. I wish I didn't have to face mothers…I wish I didn't have to face nightmares. I wish I could stop hearing them scream. And it's been ten years and I can't…I can't stop hearing those voices, Leda."

Leda rose from where she was facing Lindsay and sat down beside her on the other couch. She took Lindsay's hand and looked into her eyes. "Now, you look at me, and you listen, Ms. Monroe." Lindsay looked up and Leda stared into her eyes. "You can fight your demons, but you're going to need help. You can't do this on your own. If you focus on your giants, you'll stumble, trust me." Lindsay looked gravely at the psychologist before nodding her head slowly. Leda clicked a pen and began to write in her notebook. "Nightmares…are they becoming more or less frequent?"

Lindsay swallowed. "More."

Leda looked up quickly before returning to her writing. "And we've established that you have trouble sleeping…what about flashbacks? Have you had any of those recently?"

Lindsay nodded her head slowly. "When I was working a case with Stella…I went down to the morgue and looked at the bodies of the girls in there. And I felt like I couldn't breathe all of the sudden and I started seeing their faces…the pools of blood…I heard the 911 call…"

Leda nodded her head solemnly. "I understand. Have you been more agitated and irritable lately?"

Lindsay seemed to think for a moment. "I snapped at Stella. I _never _snap at Stella. And I snapped at Danny…I usually never do that either."

Leda nodded and continued writing. "Am I right to assume that you have been avoiding relationships with others lately? Have you been isolating yourself, distancing yourself from others?"

Lindsay swallowed a lump in her throat and thought of her confrontation with Danny in the hall a few weeks prior. _Danny_… "Yes," Lindsay said soflty.

Leda sighed and placed her pen and notebook on the table in front of her. "Lindsay, you've heard of PTSD, I assume."

Lindsay nodded her head wordlessly. Leda removed her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose before she continued. "PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder is one of my specialties when it comes to diagnosing and treating patients of mine. I dealt with quite a few after the 9/11 attacks, and since then I've had a few more to deal with who have been victims of other tragedies and horrors. Lindsay, based on simply relying on your testimony and apparent symptoms, I believe that you have PTSD."

Lindsay furrowed her eyebrows. "Sorry, Leda, but even though I've heard of it, I'm not sure that I know exactly _what _it is."

The corner of Leda's mouth upturned into a smile. "That's what I am here to explain, Ms. Monroe," she assured. Lindsay smiled weakly back and Leda continued her psychological spiel. "PTSD is the mind's response when it is subjected to highly stressful situations that can often be viewed as traumatic. When soldiers came back from Vietnam, for instance, many of them exhibited symptoms of PTSD. However, you don't need to be involved with a war to have the disorder. If you are in an extremely tense and stressful situation, such as a hostage situation, or if you are witness to a crime, natural disaster, et cetera, you can also exhibit signs of PTSD."

Lindsay nodded. "Okay, I follow. But why would my symptoms be occurring this late? I mean, it's been over 10 years since the crime."

Leda licked her lips and held up her finger. "See, what most people don't realize about PTSD is that there are different time frames involved with it. Here," Leda flipped to an empty page in her notebook and drew a line. "let's use this as a representation of your life. When the crime occurred, you were about…"

"…fourteen years old," Lindsay interjected. Leda nodded and drew a tick mark, labeling it '14'. She drew another tick mark close to the first one. "Some symptoms of PTSD occur within the first few months following the traumatic event." She labeled the mark 'Acute'. "These symptoms are called 'acute stress disorder.' Now, in order to be diagnosed as PTSD, the symptoms need to persist for longer than three months. So, acute PTSD has symptoms that last between the time of the incident and three months following the incident. The second type of PTSD is called chronic PTSD, and that is if the symptoms persist for longer than three months. The final type of PTSD is called delayed onset PTSD, where the symptoms of the disorder can last for years or more after the trauma has occurred."

Lindsay looked at the timeline and took the pen from Leda's hand, then drew a tick mark near where she was age-wise presently. Leda looked at the timeline and then back to Lindsay. "Based off of what you've told me today, I can gather that you have delayed onset PTSD."

Lindsay nodded and placed the pen onto the coffee table. "So…how do you cure PTSD?" she asked suddenly.

Leda looked at Lindsay and sighed. "To be honest, there is no definite 'cure' for anything in the psychological realm. As much as we enjoy telling others that we have 'cured' our patients, the fact remains that these events are something you will live with. It's something that you can't escape, no matter if I give you drugs or make you talk to me once a week. The point is…you've been dealt your cards for a reason, Ms. Monroe. Life doesn't always make sense, but eventually we learn to try and find the good in even the most awful of situations."

Lindsay nodded and Leda rose to her feet, shuffling to her desk. "But," she added, "as a psychologist, I do recommend therapy as a means to continue coping with this disorder. You took a huge leap today, Lindsay, and I think that you should really be proud of how much progress you have shown already. You were able to talk about your experience, which is a lot more than some of my patients are able to do in their first session."

Leda looked over at her patient and gave her an encouraging smile. Lindsay smiled back, and it was genuine. Leda flipped open Lindsay's folder and jotted down notes about the session quickly before turning her attention back to the CSI. "Besides therapy, there are drug options. However, since I am a clinical psychologist, I am not supposed to prescribe medication."

Lindsay frowned. "Really?"

Leda nodded. "Yeah, it's one of those things people don't realize. There indeed _is _a difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. _They _are the ones who prescribe medication, not us. I have a friend, his name is Dr. Bedford, and if you'd like to talk to him about medication, I could…"

Lindsay shook her head and interrupted. "No, no, it's alright. I think I'll stick to therapy before I resort to any form of anti-anxiety medication."

Leda nodded her head and closed Lindsay's folder. "Alright then." The psychologist checked her watch. "Well, it seems like your session is just about over. Now that wasn't too painful, was it?" Leda asked with a wink.

Lindsay laughed and shook her head. "No, it wasn't…it was actually…" The woman paused before continuing. "…it was good, somehow. I think that therapy might be what I need to help me get over this and move on with my life."

Leda pulled her damp mass of auburn curls back into a clip and nodded. "You're exactly right, Lindsay. Closure is the one thing that I want you to find." Lindsay nodded and picked her purse up off the floor before rising to her feet.

"Thank you, Dr. Barnes," she said truthfully. Leda extended her hand and Lindsay shook it.

"Any time you need something, don't hesitate to call me," Leda replied. "And on your way out, if you'd like to talk to Jamie, she'd be happy to schedule another appointment for you."

Lindsay slung her bag over her shoulder and smiled. "I'd like that."

The psychologist and patient parted ways and as the latter shut the office door behind her, Leda sighed. "That poor, poor woman," she sighed to herself. "She's been through so much…"

Taking advantage of a private moment, Leda picked her cell phone up and paused. She stared at the screen for a moment, hands trembling slightly. She could feel herself begin to sweat. _What am I so worked up about? _she wondered. _It's just a phone call. It's just a phone call…_

With a deep breath, Leda hit a button and held the phone up to her ear. She listened to it ring before the call went to voicemail. When she heard the tone, Leda spoke.

"Hey, it's me. I, uh, just wanted to call you and see if you were free Friday night for dinner or something so we could talk. I know you've got conferences this week, so I hope that we can find the time to sit and…talk. Alright, well, I should get back to work. Have a good day, Robert. Love you, bye."

As Leda snapped her phone shut, she leaned against her desk and exhaled deeply.

She hoped that she was making the right decision.

* * *

**Alright, so what did you all think of this chapter? I promise that there is more intensity to come – will Leda break it off with Robert? Will Lindsay ever tell Danny what's wrong? Will Leda EVER get around to calling Flack? All of this and more…in the next chapter! Review, please, because it makes my day!**


	7. Forget Me Not, part 1

**Thank you to EVERYONE who has reviewed this story thus far. I truly appreciate you three (Soccer, sparky, and demolished!) for reviewing and reading it. The chapter that you are about to read is a two-parter. Apart from that, there really isn't a whole lot to say about this chapter. Hopefully you enjoy it, and hey, if you like the story but are lurking around, come out of the shadows and let me know! I always appreciate reviews! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter of 'Falling Up'. :) **

_Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own anything related to CSI:NY. Because if I did, you'd see more of Flack, Hawkes, and Hammerback on screen. I do, however, own Dr. Leda Barnes and all of the other characters that you don't recognize. Take them and I will send rabid plot bunnies after you._

**And for reference in this chapter:**

**1) Pitt: University of Pittsburgh**

**2) Information about Munchausen Syndrome is taken from **_**The Cleveland Clinic Health Information Center**_

**3) This chapter takes place directly where the last one left off.**

**4) Leda's ringtone is a song called "A Little More You". I owe it to sugah for introducing me to the song, because I love it! **

**5) The prince conversation between Delia and Leda derives from an episode of **_**Providence**_

* * *

Chapter Seven: Forget-Me-Not (Part One)

_Heart, we will forget him!_

_You and I, to-night!_

_You may forget the warmth he gave,_

_I will forget the light._

_When you have done, pray tell me,_

_That I my thoughts may dim;_

_Haste! lest while you're lagging,_

_I may remember him!_

**-- Emily Dickinson**

Leda paused from where she was typing at her computer and frowned at the phone on the coffee table. He still hadn't called back, and it was making her antsy. She returned her focus to her computer for a few minutes, and then her eyes darted back towards her cell phone.

Finally, Leda groaned and tossed the cell phone into her purse where it would remain out of her sight until she finished her research. She had gotten a call from a friend of hers, Dr. Laura Anderson, regarding a patient. Leda stared at the computer screen and chewed on her nails. She sighed and scanned the webpage before cocking her head to the side slightly. "Ah," she replied, reaching for her office telephone. Dialing, she cradled the receiver between her ear and crook of her shoulder and continued to read the screen in front of her.

"Hello, Dr. Anderson's office. How may I help you?" asked a perky secretary.

"Hi, this is Dr. Leda Barnes – I'm a friend of Dr. Anderson's. Is she available?"

The rustling of papers was heard in the background. "Yes, Dr. Anderson is available. I'll put you through to her."

Leda was put on hold momentarily and she took the opportunity to twirl a strand of hair around her finger.

"Hi Leda. I'm glad that you called."

Leda smiled. She could almost picture her blonde psychologist friend on the other line. "Hey Laura. Listen, I was just calling back because I received your call."

Leda heard Laura's sigh. "I've been reviewing Cassidy's file all day, and nothing seems irregular. It's odd – I've met with her a few times, and she claims to be having medical symptoms, but her file is showing nothing out of the ordinary. Her doctors have told me that she complains of pains and comes in frequently for treatment and medicine, but they can't find anything visibly wrong with her."

Leda nodded. "I think I might know what's wrong with her," she replied.

Laura seemed to perk up on the other end. "Really?"

Leda nodded and leaned back in her chair. "I've been researching some psychological diseases on the Internet this afternoon and stumbled across one that seems to fit your patient." Leda paused for dramatic effect. "Munchausen Syndrome," she stated simply.

Laura frowned. "What?"

"Munchausen Syndrome is a type of mental disorder where patients, in order to receive attention or sympathy, feign symptoms. I've researched it, and it's an actual disorder. Think of it almost as an extreme end of compulsion – a person has a compulsive desire to feign their symptoms and pretty soon they actually _believe _that they are suffering from an illness."

"So how do you treat this disorder? It seems like it would be hard to diagnose and cure."

Leda sighed. "See, that's the thing. While people with Munchausen actually believe that they have the illnesses that they feign, they _won't _admit that they have the Munchausen Syndrome. So, what you have to do is treat this patient – Cassidy – like you would a substance abuse patient, first. Then, once you convince her to not rely on medical resources and those sort of things, you can try and use the behavioral therapy and cognitive therapy. People with Munchausen often have low self-esteem and self-worth, so convincing them to have a more positive outlook on their life could help diminish how they rely on their 'medical illnesses' to gain sympathy and attention."

Laura smiled, blue eyes twinkling, and she shook her head. "You are something else, Leda. This would have taken me years to try and figure out."

Leda laughed. "The joys of the Internet, right?"

Laura continued to smile. "So, how are things with you? Your practice still up and running?"

Leda surveyed her office and smiled. "Yeah, I'm still doing alright here. I've still got Jamie. She's the most help. Ellen and Holly come in when Jamie's not working."

Laura nodded on the other end. "Well, you remember what I told you before. The offer still stands for California, babe. We could blow this joint and work together out west."

Leda let out a chuckle. She had known Laura for years. The blonde psychologist had recently decided to trade a tiny practice in the heart of New York for a much larger and nicer one in Los Angeles. And she had tried to convince Leda to open the practice with her. But after a lot of consideration, Leda had declined. Despite its size, Leda loved her little practice. She knew her patients and they knew her. She felt…at home, and as much as she would have loved to move across the country and open a practice with one of her closest friends, she knew – in her heart of hearts – that New York City was where she belonged.

"You've known me a long time, Laura. You know that I don't change my mind easily."

Laura sighed. "Yeah, but LA won't be the same without you."

"And NYC won't be the same without _you_," Leda insisted.

A laugh escaped Laura's crimson lips. "Oh, I'm sure you'll be alright here without me. You've got Robert, after all. Who knows – soon you may become Mrs. Frost."

Leda laughed dryly and muttered: "Yeah, sure." The office door creaked open and Jamie stepped inside, wearing her running clothes. Leda held up a finger and finished her phone conversation. "Hey, Laura, it was great talking to you, but I have to go now."

"Sure, no problem. And thank you so much for your help, Leda."

Leda beamed. "Anytime you need anything, feel free to call me." Upon hanging up the phone, Leda looked curiously over at her visitor and then to the clock. "Jamie, it's your day off. What are you doing here?"

Jamie held up a Panera bag and beamed. "Figured you could use a bagel."

Leda shook her head and laughed. "You, my friend, know me too well." She rose from her desk chair and walked towards the woman, smiling. "Thanks, Jamie."

Jamie smiled uncomfortably and fiddled with the bag in her hands. Leda stopped dead in her tracks. "Oh…no, you want something, don't you Jamie?"

Jamie played with a dark curl. "Well…Dominick and I were planning on going out to dinner and dancing tonight, but our regular babysitter canceled on us because she has the flu. And Delia loves spending time with you…so…"

Leda shook her head and held up a hand to silence her friend. "It's no problem. I really don't have anything to do tonight. And since it appears that Robert won't answer my calls, I will just talk to him some other time this week."

Jamie's face lit up. "Really? You'd be willing to babysit?"

Leda laughed and grabbed the bag out of Jamie's hand. "Yes, my dear. I love Delia. And you need a night out with your husband. Go do something fun and romantic for a change and let someone else worry about your daughter."

Jamie beamed and hugged her friend. "Oh, you have no idea how much this means." The secretary surveyed her companion. "But trust me, when you have kids, you will fully appreciate a night out with your husband."

Leda laughed and took a bit of her cinnamon crunch bagel. "Yeah, well that probably won't happen for a long time." The psychologist moved towards her couch and made herself comfortable. Jamie merely frowned.

"Why not? You don't think you'll get married and have kids?"

Leda sighed and waved her free hand dismissively in the air as Jamie sat down opposite of her. "It's not that I don't _want _kids. It's just…with the job that I have, being a parent, or even a wife would be really difficult. I mean, you have to separate your home life from your working life, and being a psychologist kind of involves both."

Jamie continued to frown and opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by music coming from the general location of Leda's purse.

_I'm here fallin' for you,_

_My heart's callin' for you,_

_I know I never can get enough,_

_Don't hold back one bit of your love,_

_Strong and steady for you…_

Leda looked at the caller ID and raised an eyebrow. "Speak of the devil…" she muttered before answering in a cheery voice: "Hi babe."

Jamie studied Leda's reaction while she was on the phone with Robert with interest. While Leda was a beautiful young woman with stunning blue-green eyes that led straight to her soul and gentle facial features, this beauty was never apparent when she was with Robert. That is, Jamie thought, probably because she never _shone _while she was with Robert. She wasn't in love with Robert, that much Jamie knew. But why she stayed with him even though she didn't love him was a mystery. Knowing her friend, it was probably because she was too afraid to be alone. Jamie mentally sighed. Leda was such a young and vibrant girl. She could make a lot of men happy…but only if she, herself, was happy first and foremost.

Leda snapped her cell phone shut with not so much as a word to Jamie. The secretary looked expectantly over at her companion, who – at the present moment – was stuffing a piece of bagel into her mouth to avoid conversation.

Jamie raised her eyebrow and shook her head with attitude. "Uh-uh. You're gonna tell Jamie what's goin' on here."

Leda rolled her eyes and swallowed. "He's at Pitt until Wednesday night giving lectures."

Jamie groaned and Leda continued. "Yeah, I feel the exact same way. So, when he asked me what it was that we needed to talk about, I just cracked and said that it could wait until he came home." Jamie raised an eyebrow again and Leda let out a cry of frustration. "Well, I couldn't break up with him on the phone!"

Lifting a shoulder, Jamie offered her input. "You know, this may be better for you. It'll give you some time to think about what you want to say and – more importantly – _how_ you want to say it."

Leda nodded. "I guess you're right."

Suddenly, Leda's cell phone burst into loud song once more and this time both Leda and Jamie frowned. Digging through her purse, Leda retrieved the buzzing phone and continued to frown. "It's Danny."

Jamie didn't say anything, but listened to Leda's conversation. "Hey, Dan, what's up?...Really?...No, sure, if it's really important I could probably be there in…" Leda looked up at the clock to confirm a time, "…15 or 20 minutes, depending on the traffic…alright, sure…yes, I remember how to get to the lab…no, I am not an idiot Daniel Messer…sure, I'll see you soon."

Leda hung up the phone and stuffed her files into her briefcase. Jamie waved her arms in the air, attempting to draw the psychologist's attention. Leda jumped. "Oh! I'm sorry, Jamie!" she apologized. "Danny needs me to run down to the lab…he says that their lab's psychologist, Dr. Tyler is assigned to help them on a case. There's a suspect and Dr. Tyler isn't sure exactly what form of illness he suffers from, but considering the fact that he's exhibiting abnormal behavior, Danny asked me to come down and help them out."

Jamie nodded and Leda threw her short-sleeved pinstripe blazer over her soft green camisole. She swiped her keys off of the desk and grabbed her purse and briefcase on her trek towards the office door. Jamie held out the Panera bag as Leda walked by, and the latter smiled appreciatively, and then apologetically.

"Jamie, I am so sorry that I have to run…"

Jamie swatted a hand in the air. "You go and do what you do best, girl. I'll see you at 7 tonight."

Leda nodded and walked through the office door into the waiting room, where her other two secretaries were typing. "Hey, Ellen, make sure that you forward any urgent calls to my cell phone. And Holly, if you could reschedule all of my sessions for the remainder of the afternoon, I would love you forever."

The two women nodded and Leda beamed as she trotted out of her practice. Jamie walked out of Leda's office to meet the faces of the two frazzled secretaries. The three shook their heads.

"You know," Holly replied, shaking her dark hair, "I just don't think that woman ever slows down."

Jamie chuckled. "No, she doesn't."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda opened the doors to the crime lab and strode inside, heels clicking against the floor as she went. She drummed her fingers against the desk where a young woman was studying her appearance. "May I help you?" the secretary asked.

Leda smiled pleasantly. "I'm here to visit Detective Danny Messer," she replied, still smiling. The secretary's eyes trailed over the young woman curiously and she focused on her computer screen.

"Name, please."

"Dr. Leda Barnes," the woman replied.

The secretary nodded her head and slid a visitor's badge across the desk, where Leda hastily grabbed it and clipped it to her blazer. "Thank you," the psychologist replied.

"You're welcome," the secretary returned, before focusing once more on her work. Once Leda was out of earshot, the young woman turned to the other secretary.

"I wonder if Detective Monroe knows about Messer's visitor," she hissed. The second secretary shrugged her shoulders in response.

Leda stared impatiently at the elevator, waiting for it to open. She jabbed the 'up' button repeatedly. Danny's call had been 'urgent' and she was already later than she said she would be due to the horrendous New York City traffic. If there was one thing that she missed about spending her college years in Texas was that there was _no _traffic there.

"Someone's a little edgy," came a voice from behind her. Leda spun around, and was prepared to shoot back a response (consisting of a few choice four-letter words), but gaped instead.

It was the cute Detective.

Flack looked equally stunned to see Leda. "…oh," was all he could muster before the elevator's ping led both him and the psychologist inside. Leda coughed uncomfortably and stared at her shoes.

"So…I'm really…sorry about what happened at Sullivan's…leaving and…"

Flack shook his head. "No, it's…it's alright."

Leda stared at him and replied quietly. "No, it's _not _alright. I had no right to just leave you sitting there without any explanation of why…"

Flack shrugged his shoulders. "It's okay, really. I'm not mad at you. Promise."

Leda smiled slightly. "I just feel bad, that's all. I felt like I just…owe you an explanation, that's all. Because I…"

But Leda never finished her sentence, because at that moment, the elevator let out another ping, and the pair walked out into the lab's busy hallway. Flack studied his companion for a moment. "…so, what exactly are you doing here?" he asked, puzzled.

Leda laughed. "I'm sorry…I guess you were probably wondering that. Danny called me and said that there was a suspect in for a murder and that Dr. Tyler was stumped as to what kind of mental condition he might have."

Flack nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm workin' the case with Danny…but what makes Dr. Tyler think that there's something wrong with the suspect?..."

Leda shrugged before answering. "That's what I'm here to find out."

Flack raised an eyebrow as he noticed the bag that Leda was carrying. Or, he noted more specifically, the stack of books protruding out from it. "Ya got enough books in there?" he asked with a smile. Leda frowned for a moment, looked to the bag, and then her lips curved into a smile.

"Oh, yeah, well they're just some reference material," she said with a faint blush. Flack took notice of this and continued to smile. They continued to walk in silence for another minute, winding around hallways and up a few stairs before Flack pointed to a door.

"Danny said he'd meet me here, so I'm guessing this is where you'll be as well," he said, opening the door for them. Leda's smile was gracious, and she remembered all too well the night at Sullivan's. She didn't, however, let her mind fixate on the attractive Detective walking behind her into the room. This time was strictly for business. She noticed a layout table in the center of the room where Danny and a man she didn't recognize were standing, pouring over file folders. Danny looked up at the sound of the door opening and smiled.

"There's my favorite doctor," he replied with a smirk. Leda merely rolled her eyes in response and set her bag down at the edge of the table.

"What? No greeting for me Messer?" Flack asked, smirking. Leda looked up at him and laughed in a bubbly manner, which was not at all lost on Danny. _Oh, he'd be good for her_, Danny thought with an inward grin. _She even laughs at all of his lame attempts at jokes._

As Leda and Flack moved toward where Danny was standing, the CSI motioned to his companion. "Leda, this is Dr. Michael Tyler. He's the one who examined Aaron McLauren – our suspect."

Dr. Tyler looked up from where he was examining the contents of a folder and did a double-take upon seeing Leda. "Wow," he replied, extending his hand, "I wish there had been more Psychology majors as stunning as you when I was in college."

Leda blushed, and Flack visibly stiffened beside her. Danny had to clear his throat to keep from laughing, but was spared because Leda spoke. "Thank you, Dr. Tyler. That's quite flattering."

Flack studied the two psychologists and noticed that Leda seemed to be genuinely enjoying all of the extra attention. He felt…odd. He didn't _want _Michael to be flirting with Leda. But, he reasoned, there was no reason why he should be feeling that way. He barely knew Leda. They had conversed briefly, and apart from that…he hardly knew her. He didn't know what her favorite color was, he didn't know where she grew up or if she had always worn glasses, or even what her middle name was. But what he knew was simple – he didn't like that Dr. Tyler guy flirting with her.

Leda smiled and noticed that Michael Tyler was a subtly handsome guy. He had chestnut colored hair that was curly. And he had a nice smile, a face that wasn't entirely shaven, but she enjoyed the slight stubble. And he had beautiful greenish hazel eyes that were bright and lively. And she enjoyed the attention, that was certain. But she felt…odd. She knew that on her other side was the cute Detective, and she almost felt like she was betraying him…but that was absurd – she barely knew Flack. She had talked to Flack briefly, and she realized that she couldn't _logically _feel so…attached to someone who she barely knew. She didn't know what his middle name was, or if he had always wanted to be a Detective or even if he preferred the Yankees or the Mets. But she knew that she cared about what he thought. And that was odd to her. It didn't seem possible that she could _actually _be having feelings for someone…especially not when she wasn't single.

"So, Dr. Tyler…" Leda began, attempting to draw the focus back towards the case, where it belonged.

"Call me Michael," the man insisted.

Leda nodded. "Alright, _Michael_," she replied edging over to where he was leafing through a stack of folders, "what have we got here?"

Michael ran a hand through his short hair and sighed. "I've got nothing abnormal in his psych files, save the fact that our suspect apparently had a short fuse."

Leda frowned and bit her lip, reaching over to study the file that Michael was holding. "If there is nothing unusual or inconsistent in his files, then what makes you think that there's something psychologically wrong with him?"

Michael rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I know that it's more than just anger…it seems almost as if he has these episodes where he can't control his actions. Here, Leda, take a look at this…" Michael reached across the table for a file, while Danny and Flack looked on.

Handing the file to Leda, Michael leaned in close enough to be flirtatious. Danny, who was on the other side of Michael, shot a look at Leda, who intercepted and batted her eyelashes innocently. Danny knew that look. _I like being flirted at_, she claimed. Unbeknownst to Leda, Flack shifted himself closer to her. He peered over her shoulder, reading Aaron's file.

Leda flipped through the pages, her frown deepening. "His crimes escalate. We have witnesses saying that he seemed to just snap. He seemed to be triggered by nothing at all…it's odd."

"…almost as if he has no filtering system," Michael finished slowly. Leda nodded and removed her glasses before rubbing her temple.

Danny propped open a folder in his hands and skimmed it. "Well, according to our witness, Drew Dobson, Aaron was standing in the store. He said, and I quote 'He seemed to be tense, and then when the store clerk asked him if he could please be careful while touching the glass silverware, the guy just flipped and took a utensil from the shelf and stabbed him repeatedly with it.' That's…just weird that he wasn't provoked."

Michael exhaled through pursed lips and frowned. "It just doesn't make sense."

Flack nodded in affirmation, while Leda shook her head beside him. "No, you know what? There is an explanation for everything, and I'll bet that there is more to Aaron than meets the eye…"

"Well, if you can think of anything, I'd love to hear your suggestions," Michael replied, rubbing his own temple and picking up yet another folder.

"Alright," Leda said, gripping the table to brace herself. She studied the littered layout table, and then looked over at Danny. He raised his eyebrows at her and she licked her lips before continuing. "let's look over our options, here…" Leda looked over at Michael before she plunged on. "…do you think it could be bi-polar disorder?"

Michael seemed to wrestle with the idea before shaking his head. "No, it doesn't seem like it could be bi-polar disorder. He doesn't seem to suffer from extreme highs and extreme depression…"

"…could it be that he just suffers from an anger issue?"

Michael sighed and shrugged. "It's possible, but it seems that there's more to it than just that…"

"You thinking antisocial personality disorder?" Leda asked.

Michael shook his head again. "No, I don't think he's a psychopath. He shows remorse for his actions. When I spoke with him in interrogation, he seemed genuinely apologetic for the crime he had committed."

It was Danny's turn to frown now. "Then I don't get it. Maybe there's nothin' wrong with the kid after all. Maybe he's just trying to buy his way out of a lifetime in prison."

Leda bit her lip and shook her head, scanning the file that was in front of her. "No, Dan, I don't think that's it. From what Michael has said, it seems that there is something deeper that is triggering these outbursts of anger."

"Then what is it?" Flack asked. Leda turned and looked up at him, before replying honestly.

"I don't know," she admitted, throwing her hands up in the air slightly. All four of the adults in the room sighed simultaneously, but Leda's wheels continued to turn in her head. There was something to pinpoint, if only she could determine _what_…she had read about behavior and personality disorders and had studied them endlessly. He didn't have borderline personality disorder, he was not diagnosed with ADD or ADHD…then _what _was wrong with him?

"He shows remorse, he acts aggressively without provocation, the anger is completely random and sporadic and ends quickly, and…he seems to not have a filter," Leda listed, hopeful that speaking aloud would help spark an idea. She frowned and suddenly a light bulb went off. "No filter…no filter…that's it!"

Leda spun on her heels and jogged to where her bag with books was resting. She selected one and bounded back towards the group of men. She settled herself once more between Flack and Michael and dropped the book onto the table with a loud thud. Opening to the index, she skimmed it and flipped to a page. "There!" she exclaimed, pointing a finger at a line on page 435. "Intermittent explosive disorder – it's actually a behavior disorder that's linked more to impulse control disorders. That's why it stuck me that Aaron seems to have no filter to him…almost as if he can't control his outbursts of anger. Here…read it." Leda shoved the book in Michael's direction.

Michael frowned and pulled a pair of glasses from his pocket, then leaned down and read. His frown turned into a smile as he nodded. "I think you might be onto something there, Leda," he said, white teeth forming a perfect smile. Michael continued to stare at Leda before Flack decided that he couldn't handle the irritating flirting anymore. He muttered an "Excuse me," and began to move towards Danny. However, he casually placed a hand on the small of Leda's back as he moved behind her. Leda blinked and tensed, a tingle running through her as Flack's hand touched her. She felt him move behind her and drew in a breath.

_What's wrong with you, Leda? _the voice inside of her head asked. _You can't have feelings for him…or for anyone before you break up with Robert. He may have cheated on you, but if you play around just to get back at him, then you are no better._

Leda locked eyes with Flack once more before she abruptly began to pack away her belongings. "Look at the time. I have to be somewhere…"

Michael nodded, as did Danny. "Flack, you and Michael can go down to interrogation and finish up with Aaron. I'm gonna show Leda back to her car," Danny said. Both Detective and psychologist nodded at Danny and left the room. Leda watched them go and continued to gather up her books.

Danny leaned against the layout table. "So…"

Leda threw Danny a glare. "I don't want to talk about it right now, alright?" she snapped.

Danny looked taken back. "Sure," he said, holding up his hands defensively. "Where are you headed off to in a rush?" he asked.

Leda slung the bag of reference books over her shoulder and spun around, bag swinging dangerously close to Danny. "I'm babysitting Delia. And I still have to go home and change before I go over there, so if you don't mind, I will talk to you some other time, Messer."

As Leda trotted out of the interrogation room, Danny was right on her heels. "Hey, Leda, listen, I'm sorry…"

"For what?" she asked, spinning around so suddenly that Danny nearly collided with her. "Because I feel the way I feel? Because I'm pitiful? Or are you just sorry that you ever ran into me that night at Sullivan's?"

Danny's mouth hung open. "First of all," he said, taking her elbow and steering her towards the wall so they were not in the center of the hallway for all the gossipy lab techs to hear, "I do not regret _anything _that happened between us. Nothing, you understand?"

Leda's eyes widened and she nodded mutely. "Second of all," Danny continued, squeezing her elbow, "you are _not _pitiful. A bit confused, yeah, but not pitiful. And I'm here for ya, remember? Thick and thin, Leda…you've helped me out so much that I owe it to you as a friend to be there."

Leda smiled slightly. "Really?"

Danny nodded his head, blue eyes shining. "I mean it."

Leda smiled back once more and checked her watch. "Dan, I have to go…we'll do lunch sometime, I promise."

Danny nodded. "We should."

Leda walked down the hall, and Danny sighed. She was such a beautiful and vibrant young woman. And it made him sick to think that she had stayed with Robert for all of this time. He wanted to kick the wall just thinking about it. Danny felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Lindsay standing behind him, a sad smile on her face.

"Hey."

"Hey," he replied.

"Mac wanted us to update him on the case, so I'm headed to his office right now," she said.

Danny nodded and walked with Lindsay down the hallway, but not before looking once more in the direction where Leda had walked.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………...

"And they all lived happily ever after," Leda said with a smile. She closed the book, and the little girl in her lap craned her neck to look at her.

"That's the end, right Aunt Leda?"

Leda's heart melted every time she heard Delia use the affectionate nickname, and the psychologist nodded in affirmation. "Yep, that's the end of the book." Leda glanced at the clock on the table next to Delia's bed. "And by the looks of it, we finished just in the nick of time, because you have to go to bed."

Delia whined. "But…can't you read me just one more story?"

Leda rolled her eyes and wiggled the little girl out of her lap. "Nope. Time for bed, Delia. You know what your Mommy said."

Delia sighed dramatically and shimmied next to Leda. "Alright," the little girl said, dark eyes twinkling, "but only if you tuck me into bed."

Leda smirked and rose. "It's a deal," she said, as Delia climbed underneath her pink and purple sheets. Leda fluffed up the young girl's pillow and Delia clutched her Build-A-Bear, Maddie, tightly.

Leda planted a kiss on Delia's forehead, and brushed back a dark curl. Delia took the opportunity to ask her babysitter a question that had been nagging her since the bedtime story. "Leda," she began. The psychologist stared at the young girl attentively. "where's your Prince?"

Leda was taken back by the young girl's innocent question, and she floundered momentarily for an answer. "Well…Aunt Leda doesn't really have a Prince," she explained.

Delia seemed troubled by this news. "Why?"

Leda licked her lips and thought. _Why?_ "I just haven't found my Prince yet," she answered, heart aching.

Delia thought for a moment and then an idea seemed to hit her. "I'll help you find your Prince, Aunt Leda. And then you can be like the Princess in my story and live happily ever after."

Leda chuckled and nodded. "Alright, Delia."

Delia paused for another moment before speaking. "But you'll find him, right, Aunt Leda?"

Leda swallowed hard and continued to play with a lock of Delia's hair before answering sadly: "I sure hope so, sweetheart. I sure hope so."

* * *

**And that is where I shall end this chapter. Next chapter will bring the break-up of Robert and Leda. How will Robert take it? Will Leda ever find her 'Prince'? And what in the world is going to happen to Danny and Lindsay's relationship? Stay tuned to find out! But first, review this chapter, please:) **


	8. Forget Me Not, part 2

**To all of you who have been waiting for an update eagerly, I apologize. My grandfather passed away unexpectedly, so I had to fly up to PA for a week with my family. But I have to send a thank you my friends at DLC and to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story, especially to the new readers for getting me inspired again. I hope you all are enjoying this story, and I plan to see it through to its conclusion. It might be a rocky road, so plan on scattered updates, since I move away to college in a mere two weeks! Right now, however we are about to delve into Part Two of the chapter 'Forget-Me-Not'. Read, review, and (hopefully) enjoy! **

_Disclaimer: Once again, I own none of what you recognize, and all of what you do. Please don't take anything of mine, as I know that has become a bit of an issue lately in FF world. If you take something of mine and don't credit me, I will hunt you down. And we all know that we don't want that. So don't steal, mmkay?_

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Chapter Eight: Forget-Me-Not (Part Two) 

_Heart, we will forget him! _

_You and I, to-night! _

_You may forget the warmth he gave, _

_I will forget the light. _

_When you have done, pray tell me, _

_That I my thoughts may dim; _

_Haste! lest while you're lagging, _

_I may remember him! _

**-- Emily Dickinson **

Early morning sunlight trickled in through the blinds to Leda's window, and the young woman stirred in bed. Yawning, she fixed her bleary eyes on the alarm clock beside her and blinked. Normally, she would have been concerned by the fact that it was already 6:45 and she wasn't at work, but today was different. It was her day off. Leda smiled and snuggled under her covers, thankful that she was able to get at least one day of rest. And she would need it.

Robert was coming home today.

Leda attempted to fall back to sleep, but her dreams were plagued with worries and doubts. Was she doing the right thing by breaking up with Robert? What if he got so angry with her that he became dangerous and hurt her? What if she _couldn't_ break up with him? What if the words just…didn't flow? Leda rolled onto her back and stared at her ceiling. She knew, in her heart of hearts, that she was making the right decision by doing what she was doing. Groaning, Leda threw off her covers and threw her legs over the side of her bed. For a moment, she stared at the blinds on her window. She yawned once more, put her glasses on, and then decided to make herself breakfast. Shuffling her feet into her slippers, she knelt down and tugged her bathrobe from beneath a small pile of clothing, and proceeded to walk into the kitchen.

Sighing, Leda picked up a piece of bread and put it in the toaster. As she hummed and meandered around the kitchen, her thoughts strayed, as they tended to do when she was bored. And as her thoughts began to drift slowly towards Flack and Michael Tyler, there was a rap at her door. Frowning, Leda popped her slices of bread out of the toaster and set them on a plate. _Who in their right mind is visiting me this early?_

Opening the door, Leda rolled her eyes at the Italian who was holding a casserole dish with baked ziti in it.

"Danny, for the love of God, it is seven in the morning…" Leda whined. Danny seemed to brush aside her remark, and entered her apartment.

"I figured you'd be up already. You usually are. Even on your days off, right?"

Leda crossed her arms over her chest and huffed, but said nothing. "Why are you bringing me ziti for breakfast?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Danny, who was walking towards her refrigerator, threw a look over his shoulder. "You know, for a psychologist, you aren't very smart sometimes."

Leda glared, and Danny continued. "I promised you lunch sometime, so…" Danny gestured to the ziti that was now quaintly resting on the top shelf in Leda's fridge. "…dinner," he finished, shutting the door and placing a bag with French bread on the countertop.

Leda opened her mouth to thank him and then snapped it shut. It was unusual for Danny to do something like this, even for his closest companions. Something was up. "Danny…what's the favor?" she asked, sinking into a chair at her table.

Danny placed a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. "Ouch, Leda…what makes you think that I want something from you?"

Leda narrowed her eyes and studied the man in front of her. "Because I know people better than I know anything else. And I can tell when someone is lying to me," she answered. "Plus," Leda added, "you never get out of bed earlier than nine on your day off, so something has to be wrong."

Danny grumbled "psychologist," before throwing his hands up in the air. "Alright," he admitted, taking a seat across from Leda, "I _do _need a favor from you." The CSI took a deep breath before replying. "I need you to tell Lindsay what happened between us."

Leda nearly spat out the orange juice in her cup. "Excuse me?" she asked incredulously. Her widened blue eyes were fixed intently on Danny's. "You…you want me to do what?" she sputtered.

Danny winced. "Yeah, well, maybe…maybe I shouldn't have asked…it's just…"

Leda, however, plowed on through his sentence. "You want me to tell Lindsay what happened between us? Just, out of the blue, I'll go up to Lindsay and say, 'Oh, yes, I love your sweater, and by the way, I was Danny's girlfriend'. You want me to do _that_?" she yelled.

Danny, for once, looked speechless and blinked. Leda huffed and then her facial expressions softened a bit. "You really care about Lindsay, don't you? If this was any other girl, you wouldn't be afraid of losing her. But you're afraid of losing Lindsay, aren't you?"

Danny nodded, not looking directly at Leda, but instead gazed at his hands. "But I will lose her, Leda," he insisted, finally looking up. "When she finds out that you and I dated, she'll never trust me again. And I can't bear to lose her, Leda."

Leda shook her head. "But having me tell her won't make things any better, you know. In fact," she said thoughtfully, "it will probably make things even worse, because then she'll think that you wanted to hide this from her."

Danny threw up his hands. "I can't win," he exclaimed loudly. Leda was a bit taken back, but let him continue. "If I tell her, I lose her. If I don't tell her, I lose her. If _you _tell her, I lose her." The CSI shook his head in disbelief. "I can't win," he repeated solemnly.

Leda shook her head, determined to encourage her companion. "You don't know that…" she began.

Danny looked at Leda skeptically. "Oh, sure, Leda," he remarked sarcastically, "because I'm sure Lindsay will love the fact that you and I _just _broke up before that jewelry robbery case. Yeah, I'm sure Lindsay will trust me now," he spat.

Leda heaved a sigh. "If she cares about you as much as I think she does, she will be upset, yes," she began, "but if she really, truly cares about you, then in the long run, telling her this will only strengthen your relationship. Maybe it will spark her to tell you about her past. If she sees that you're honest and open with her, then she'll be able to trust you. But if you hide something like this from her, then she has no reason _not _to trust you again."

The pair was silent for a moment before Danny looked at his watch. "I should get goin' and let you enjoy your day off," he said with small smile. Leda rose with Danny, walking him to the door.

"Hey," she said suddenly, and he turned around. Leda wrapped her arms around him and spoke into his shoulder, "you're a good guy and Lindsay is lucky to have you. Just remember that, alright?"

Danny squeezed Leda and replied into her hair: "Yeah, I am pretty great, aren't I?" With a smirk, Leda slapped his shoulder and Danny laughed. Before he left, however, Danny turned around and smiled genuinely.

"Thanks, Leda."

Leda leaned her head against the doorframe and smiled. "No problem, Dan."

"And," Danny added, punching the button to the elevator across the hall, "good luck tonight with Robert."

Leda groaned and ran a hand through her hair. "Thanks."

With a final smile and short wave, Danny stepped into the elevator and bade Leda goodbye. Leda shut the door to her apartment with a sad smile. She hoped that Lindsay realized exactly how much Danny cared about her. True, Danny and Leda had dated for a few months, but their relationship had been…complicated. She had never intended for someone like Lindsay to be hurt by its aftermath, but that was what seemed to be happening. Leda paced her kitchen, biting her nails as she went. She prayed that if there was a God in heaven that he would help Lindsay to find it in her heart to forgive Danny. As odd as it sounded, Leda was sick at the thought of Danny losing Lindsay. Maybe it was because Leda herself had not found true love yet, and wanted nothing more than for Danny and Lindsay to be able to keep their special connection.

Groaning in remembrance, Leda flopped onto her couch. She had no idea how she was going to tell Robert that she didn't want to continue their relationship. And the nagging questions beginning with 'what if' replayed through her mind, until finally, she decided that she needed to take a shower to clear her head. She looked at the piece of now cold toast that was sitting and tossed it into the trashcan. Sighing, she walked towards her bathroom and towards a nice, long shower.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda stepped out of the shower, sighing peacefully. The warm water had seemed to cleanse her nerves and calm her. She peered into her closet and selected a pair of jeans and a blouse, and as she dressed, she hummed along with her radio.

_"That was Avril Lavigne with her new song 'When You're Gone'. Right now it is __9:30__, and it looks like it will be a gorgeous day, with partly cloudy skies and a high around…" _

Leda shut off her clock and stared at her reflection in the mirror. The reflection smiled sadly back at her. It looked worn, and yet there was something hidden behind the eyes…something that was full of hope and promise of a new life. Leda stared at her own eyes, lost in thought. A knock on the door was what startled her back into reality, and she hurriedly tossed her towel into the hamper before answering the door.

Jamie stood there, with a basket of muffins in her hand and a smile on her face. "Can I come in?" she asked. Leda, taken back by the presence of her visitor, merely nodded and ushered her friend into the apartment.

Jamie noticed Leda eying the basket curiously. "Oh," the woman said with a dismissive wave of her hand, "I was just downtown and picked this up from one of the bakeries because I thought you'd enjoy them."

Leda pulled her wet hair into a clip. "And," the psychologist added, "because you thought I'd need them for comfort when I broke up with Robert?"

Jamie shrugged and Leda chuckled, bustling around the kitchen, tidying up. "Jamie, I'll be alright. I mean, I want to do this…I _need_ to do this for myself. Everything will be alright."

Jamie looked skeptical. "You sure are handling this alright."

Leda nodded and continued talking. "It's mainly because Danny stopped by today…"

Leda could see Jamie begin to open her mouth, and the psychologist stopped her. "No, Jamie, it's not like that. He came by to talk about Lindsay. It seems like he's conflicted as to whether or not he should tell her about what happened between him and me a few months ago," Leda explained. She waved her hand in the air, as if batting away her thoughts. "Anyway," she continued, "Danny coming over here initially made me even more nervous about talking to Robert, but when he left, I actually realized that this is much easier than what he has to do. I think that it made me realize that what I have with Robert isn't something lasting or worth saving. What Danny and Lindsay have, however, _is_. And," Leda added softly, looking out her window, "I want something like that too."

Jamie sat down in the same chair that Danny had sat in hours prior. "Leda, hun, I am so very proud of you. And trust me, you _will _find somethin' like that. I never thought that I would, but look at me now – I'm a mother and a wife. And someday, I think you'll find that man who will love you more than life itself. And that's when all of this pain will be worth it."

Leda's lips curved into a smile. "Thanks, Jamie. You always know what to say."

Jamie smiled and shrugged a shoulder. "I watch Oprah."

Leda laughed and shook her head. "No, seriously Jamie," she replied, "I don't know what I would do without you."

The older woman smiled. "I'm happy to help."

Leda and Jamie sat in silent thought for a moment, before the latter rose to her feet and headed towards the door. "I should get goin', Leda. Dominick is at work, and I have to go pick up some groceries before Delia comes home from pre-school…"

Leda held up a hand. "Say no more," she answered, rising to her feet as well. "You go and be SuperMom."

Jamie let out a loud laugh and shook her head, black curls bouncing jovially. "Yeah, I'll go do that. And I'll see you tomorrow," she added, opening the door. Leda nodded her head in affirmation.

"I'll call you after the big break-up dinner tonight and let you know how it went," Leda assured her. Jamie nodded once more and then walked into the hall, shutting the door behind her.

"Aw, crap!" the psychologist exclaimed a moment later. "I need to buy groceries too." Leda threw open her apartment door and yelled to Jamie, who was standing by the elevator. The African American woman laughed as Leda ran out of the apartment, purse and coat flying behind her. Jamie shook her head and chuckled as Leda approached.

"Let me guess – you need groceries?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda wheeled a shopping cart down the cereal aisle and nearly collided with someone who was looking at a box of Frosted Flakes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" But Leda's sentence was cut off as she realized who she nearly collided with. Dr. Michael Tyler.

The man smiled genuinely at Leda. "Well, Dr. Barnes, this sure is a pleasant surprise," Michael remarked happily. Leda felt her cheeks flush slightly and she couldn't seem to remember why she came down the aisle in the first place. As if reading her mind, Michael pointed to the box in his hand. "I couldn't decide between Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms," he admitted.

Leda giggled. "Well, personally, Dr. Tyler – "

" – Michael – "

Leda corrected herself with a smirk. "Sorry, _Michael_, but I really don't think that any of those sugary cereals would be a good option."

Michael chuckled and placed the box back on the shelf. "Alright then, ma'am, what would you suggest?" he asked with a smirk.

Leda arched her eyebrows. "Did you just call me _ma'am_?"

Michael smiled. "I was raised in the South, Leda," he explained. Leda's mouth formed an 'oh', and she pushed her cart past Michael. She stopped and pointed to a box on the third shelf.

"Special K cereal is good. Try either the chocolate one, or the one with berries," she suggested. Michael moved over to where she was and reached above her head, grabbing a box. He smiled down at her.

"Thank you. You saved me from an undesired sugar rush."

Leda laughed and felt her phone vibrate in her purse. Checking the caller ID, she noted that it was Jamie, who had sent her a text. _Checked out already. Waiting on you_. Leda hastily texted back. _Just going to check out now. Be there soon._ Stuffing her phone back in her pocket, Leda reached for a box of Special K and smiled apologetically at Michael.

"I'm sorry, Michael, but I have to run now. A friend is waiting on me."

Michael nodded. "I understand." He paused before adding, "It was good to see you again, Leda. Maybe we could make this a habit."

Leda blushed and tossed the cereal into her shopping cart. "Sure," she replied breathily, and with a wave of her hand at Michael, turned and pushed her shopping cart down the aisle, mentally kicking herself as she went.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda slipped into the front seat of Jamie's car with a sigh. Jamie raised her eyebrows and Leda explained how she had met Michael Tyler and how she had just ran into him again. After finishing her story, Jamie just smiled.

"Well, it seems like Dr. Tyler has a crush on you," she said in a sing-song voice. Leda rolled her eyes and rested her head against the car's window.

"Yeah," Leda muttered. Jamie furrowed her eyebrows as she switched lanes.

"What? You don't like him? He seems like a hunk."

Leda arched an eyebrow and said nothing. Jamie took that as her cue to continue. "Look, all's I'm saying is that you should start opening up yourself to the possibility of other guys. You're gonna be through with Robert after tonight, and I think that what you need is to find a better match for you. This Michael guy doesn't sound too bad."

Leda rolled her eyes again. "But Jamie, I don't think I'm ready to go out and see other people quite yet. I mean, Robert seemed like a nice guy when I first met him – charming, smart, friendly…but he's not, and you and I both know that."

Jamie shook her head. "You're stubborn, you know that?"

Leda nodded. "Only when I want to be, or have to be."

"But do you get a good feeling from this Michael guy? Or perhaps you prefer certain blue-eyed detectives…"

Leda gaped and Jamie nodded. "Mhm, girl, I _so _went there. You haven't mentioned our dear old Detective Flack in a while."

Leda sulked in her seat and mumbled something to herself. Jamie cocked her head to the side. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. What was that?" she asked teasingly.

Leda glared at Jamie and crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. "It doesn't matter. What matters is the fact that I am not yet single and therefore I do not have to discuss who I may or may not have feelings for."

Jamie nodded in understanding. "So, basically, you like both of 'em."

Leda glared at Jamie in response.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda managed to put away her groceries with just enough time to sit down and watch the news before she went to pick up Robert at the airport. Sitting comfortably on her couch, she reflected on what Jamie had said to her. Was it true? Was it possible that she liked both Michael and Flack?

And when did she start admitting to herself that she liked _Flack_? Michael…that one was obvious when she met him – he was attractive and flirtatious, and Leda returned the flirting. Then Flack had left and…

Oh.

Now it was all making sense. He had been jealous of Michael. He had purposefully touched Leda's back to make sure that she knew he was there. He had toyed with her head, trying to shake her from flirting with Michael.

"Oh, he's good," Leda said aloud with a shake of her head.

_But do you have feelings for him_? nagged the voice inside of her head. Leda bit her lip in contemplation. The night that she met him at Sullivan's, she had been able to be…herself in his presence. There was no need for a façade (save the whole 'I have a boyfriend' spiel she had fed him), no need to pretend she was someone else, and he had accepted her for it. They had made small talk on the way into Sullivan's. She laughed at his jokes and smiled when he smiled…

"No, I can't…not…no," Leda thought, suddenly rising to her feet. She couldn't go out with Flack. There was no possible way that she could put herself through that – put herself through the same thing that Danny was going through. And suddenly, it all went back to Danny. She couldn't date Flack. It would kill him if he knew that she had been with Danny. Flack and Danny were best friends. It would be too awkward…too complicated…too…messy.

_If anything_, the voice continued, _it would be better to stick with someone like Michael. You know, someone who is in your field of work…someone who understands Psychology…someone who wouldn't be hurt by your past, like Flack would. You should choose someone like that, right? _

And Leda couldn't help but agree with the voice inside of her head. It made more sense to date someone like Michael…not someone who was so close to Danny…no, that would be too strange. No, if she had to decide, it would have to come down to Michael. It just made more sense.

And though Leda assured herself that she would be making the right decision – should it ever come down to it – by choosing Michael over Flack, she couldn't help but note a twinge of hesitancy in the pit of her stomach, almost as if there was something stuck there. But glancing at the clock, she shook the feeling away for the moment. It was time to face reality – she had to break up with Robert before she could even consider dating anyone else. And the moment was soon.

Swiping her keys and purse off the counter, she headed out the door and to the airport to pick up her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Robert!" Leda cried, trying to maneuver her way through a throng of people. A man with chestnut hair turned his head and sought the voice.

"Leda!" he cried happily, squeezing through a group of tourists to get to his girlfriend. Leda smiled and hugged Robert. "How've you been, Leda? How's the practice going?"

"Good," the psychologist replied, taking Robert's hand and leading him towards baggage claim. "Everyone is doing well. How was Pitt? Did the college students enjoy your lectures?"

On their way to pick up Robert's luggage, he reenacted his seminars and the students' reactions to his comments. Leda found her mind drifting towards their dinner later on that night, where she was prepared to tell Robert that their relationship was over…although she hoped to say it in a more tactful way than that…

"My luggage is the one with the…"

"…bright green ribbon on it," Leda finished. Robert smiled at her.

"You remembered. Wow," he replied, clearly awed by Leda's ability to remember such a trivial piece of information.

Leda shrugged as the pair hoisted Robert's bag off the carousel. The two then strode through the New York airport and out into the late afternoon air. Leda crossed the parking lot to where her car was located and got inside to turn on the A/C. Robert opened the door and slipped into the seat. He breathed a sigh. "It's good to be home." Leda glanced at him and smiled.

"So," Robert began as they pulled out of the parking lot, "where do you feel like dinner tonight? I'll have to go back to my apartment to unpack and do laundry and such, but I figured that tonight should be a night where we can just enjoy each other's company. And we can go wherever you'd like to go," he insisted.

Leda felt a twinge of guilt, but masked it with a shrug. "Oh, I don't know…" she began hesitantly.

Robert shook his head. "Nonsense," he said as his brown eyes twinkled. "We have to go out and do something fun tonight. What about Italian…ah, no, we did that earlier this month…and I'm kind of sick of Japanese food…what about Irish?"

Leda smiled. "Irish sounds good. We could try out Mercantile Grill. I heard from Jamie that it has excellent food."

Robert smiled and nodded. "Irish it is!"

Leda tried to ignore the gnawing in the pit of her stomach that had nothing to do with hunger.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda picked at her Irish Shepard's pie and Robert looked at her, worried.

"What's wrong, Leda? Are you coming down with something?" he asked, reaching across the table to feel her forehead. She shook her head and sighed.

"Robert…we…we need to talk."

Robert's face suddenly turned from worried to solemn. "Oh. I see."

Leda began to talk fast in order to explain herself. "Look, I think that you're a great person, but I just…I can't do this anymore. I don't want to hurt you, but I think it's best for both of us if we branch out and see other people…"

Robert nodded and smiled sadly. "You're a great woman, Leda, you know that?"

Leda shook her head and refused to make eye contact with Robert as she continued. "It's just…I don't want to commit to anything if I don't think that there will be a future."

Robert nodded again. "I understand. And I think that you're right. Even though it may sting a bit, you make sense. We don't need to keep kidding ourselves into thinking that we can make our relationship work. It can't."

Leda finally looked up and her blue-green eyes met Robert's brown ones. Robert reached across the table for her hand. "Leda, you made the right decision and I don't hold it against you."

Leda sighed and squeezed Robert's hand. "Thank you," she said honestly.

"Now," Robert continued, pulling his hand back. "let's finish this wonderful meal." Leda smiled and dove into her Shepard's pie happily.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A few days later, Leda decided to stop by Robert's apartment on her way to her office in order to pick up some of her old things that she had left there. She stepped out of the elevator and walked towards Robert's apartment, smiling at the Indian woman named Harpreet who lived next door.

"Hello Leda," Harpreet said cheerfully. "Come by to visit Robert?"

"Just to pick up some of my things," Leda replied. She noted that Harpreet was still in her scrubs. "Are you just getting home from work?"

Harpreet grimaced. "Unfortunately," she said, pulling out her keys and unlocking her door. "And I think I am going to go take a nice nap right about now," she said with a wave of her hand at Leda. "Nice to see you, Leda."

Leda nodded. "Likewise, Harpreet."

Leda rapped Robert's door three times and stood in a moment of silence. Nothing. She tried knocking again and heard a muffled voice inside shuffling toward the door. Just as she was about to knock again, Robert answered the door looking terrible and reeking of alcohol. Leda narrowed her eyes and moved into the apartment, looking around for things that belonged to her. She found, however, four empty beer bottles littering the couch and another three on the kitchen counter.

She rounded on Robert. "How much have you had to drink over the past three days?!"

Robert covered his ears. "Notsoloud," he mumbled.

Leda shook her head and meandered towards the bookshelf, finding her copy of _A Tale of Two Cities_ resting on the bottom shelf. She stood up and saw Robert slumped on his favorite chair. Shaking her head, she muttered: "You're pathetic, Robert. Look at you. This – " she said, motioning to the vast clutter and debris littering the apartment, " – is pathetic."

Leda walked toward Robert's bedroom, bypassing a coffee table that looked like it hadn't been cleaned in weeks, and scanned his closet for anything that she owned, and found an old shirt of hers on a hanger in the back of the closet. Once she grabbed the shirt, she walked out of the bedroom in a huff. Robert was now standing with his hands in his pockets, chestnut hair untidy.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. Leda paused by the coffee table, eyes cold. "I'm sorry for hurting you…before."

Leda shook her head. "Whatever, Robert. You'll never change. You'll always be like this." She moved to walk towards the door but he stopped her.

"No, really, I can change," he pleaded. Leda glared at him.

"Robert, please let me leave, alright. Then you can go hook up with whoever it was you hooked up with when we were together."

"It's not like that anymore!" Robert yelled.

Leda shook her head. "I don't believe you," she said in a flat voice. "You're not going to change." Robert moved away from the door and Leda turned around to see him behind her, on his hands and knees, searching for something on the floor. "What are you doing?" she asked in agitation. Robert merely kept crawling until he found what he was looking for under an empty water bottle beside the coffee table. He stood up shakily and thrust his hand at Leda.

"See! See! I was going to change! I was going to ask you to marry me!"

Leda frowned, and sure enough there was a gold band with a small glistening diamond on it in Robert's outstretched palm. She looked up at his watery brown eyes and shifted the objects in her arms. "I'm sorry, Robert, but I'm not getting back together with you. I've made my decision."

Robert grabbed both Leda's wrists, so she dropped the shirt and various books onto the already dirty floor. "But I need you, Leda!" he exclaimed loudly. Leda tried to wrench her wrists out of Robert's grasp.

"Robert, let me go. I'm not going to be with you. I don't love you! I never have loved you! You abused me…you cheated on me!" she yelled frantically.

Robert's eyes flashed with hurt. "No, but Leda…I…"

"NO!" Leda snarled. "No more excuses. No more! I'm sick of it Robert!"

Robert's eyes flashed angrily. "But, listen to me…"

"NO."

"Leda, just listen to me!"

"NO."

"LISTEN!" Robert yelled, pushing Leda hard. The psychologist tumbled out of Robert's grasp and onto the coffee table. And suddenly, everything went black…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Leda stirred and blinked rapidly, trying to allow her eyes to grow accustomed to the bright light she was staring at. After a moment, she realized where she was. The only thing she couldn't figure out was _why _she was there…

"She's awake," a voice close to the bed said gruffly. Leda craned her head to determine who the voice was, and pain shot through her head.

"Ow," Leda muttered, bringing a hand up to her head. There was a bandage there and she closed her eyes momentarily. What had happened?

"Leda," another voice said. This voice was a nurse's. She could tell by the motherly tone and friendly disposition.

"Yes?" she asked, opening her eyes slowly.

The nurse smiled. "You recognize your name then?"

Leda frowned. "Of course I do. I think I'd remember who I am."

Leda turned her head slowly to scan the room, but there was no one besides the nurse and herself present. Before she could ask any questions, the nurse spoke. "Well, Ms. Barnes…"

"…_Doctor_," Leda muttered under her breath.

"…you are quite the lucky young woman…only a minor concussion and there probably shouldn't be any repercussions…" The nurse was bustling around the tiny room and she checked Leda's bandage. She lowered her voice at what she said next. "Now, I've never seen a man so upset in my life. And my God, I have never seen _two _men so pissed in my entire life. They were snapping at the doctors and at each other. They finally calmed down a few hours ago and haven't left this room out of their sights since," she clucked.

Leda frowned in confusion. Two men? Before she could ask, the two men themselves entered the hospital room – Danny was first, followed by none other than Detective Flack.

"My God, Leda, don't ever scare me like that again," Danny muttered, running a hand through his hair and then moving towards Leda's bed with relief. The nurse bowed out of the room and Danny squeezed Leda tightly. The psychologist frowned.

"Danny?" she began. "What happened? I only remember vague things…I think Robert and I were talking…"

"Fighting was more like it," replied Flack for the first time since his arrival. Leda looked up at him. His normally calm and vibrant blue eyes were stormy with emotion, and Leda recognized that it was Flack's voice she had heard when she first woke up. Pushing thoughts out of her mind, Leda frowned in concentration.

"Were we really fighting?"

"Yeah," Flack continued, jaw tight. "A neighbor called it in…said she was trying to take a nap but the voices woke her up. She heard something crash and ran into the apartment to find you lying on the coffee table."

Leda blinked. "And Robert?"

Danny replied before Flack could. "He ran from the scene, but we caught him a few blocks away. He's in for questioning right now."

"What….what's going to happen to him?" Leda asked softly.

Danny looked to Flack and the latter answered. "If you press charges, he'll probably serve his time for domestic abuse," the detective replied coldly. Leda's eyes widened.

"Domestic abuse?" she repeated.

Danny raised an eyebrow. "If you press charges, that is," he said slowly.

Leda opened her mouth, but Flack spoke first. "Of course she'll press charges, Danny. Look at what happened to her."

Leda frowned. "I…but he didn't really mean to do it. He just drank too much. And if I press charges, he'll never be able to teach again…"

Danny and Flack both looked incredulously at Leda. "You're not seriously considering letting this guy walk free, are you Leda?" Danny asked.

Leda brought a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. "I don't know…"

"Leda," Flack began, sharing a glance with Danny, "you have to press charges."

"I don't know if I can do that," Leda admitted. "I don't know if I want to do that."

Flack's incredulous expression suddenly turned to one of anger. "You're going to let the bastard walk? After what just happened? Leda, you could have been killed! I don't think you understand the severity of this…"

"I understand fully well the severity of this, Detective," Leda shot back venomously. The pair stared at each other, eyes ablaze for a moment before Flack shook his head.

"Fine. You do whatever the hell you want to do, Leda. See if I care." And with that, the detective stalked out of the room.

Leda huffed angrily and Danny sat in silence, unsure of what to say. After a moment, however, he quietly replied: "He has a point you know."

Leda threw a glare at Danny, who held up his hands defensively. "You didn't see him at the crime scene Leda…when he saw you…I've never seen someone so scared in my life."

Leda's heart seemed to be in her throat and hot tears stung her eyes. She blinked them back and stared out the window. "Look," Danny said, taking her hand and stroking it. "all I'm sayin' is that you should listen to what he has to say. You may have a Doctorate, but that doesn't mean that you're always gonna always know what's best."

Leda opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by a short knock her open door. Lindsay peered inside and saw Danny seated beside Leda. The CSI fidgeted near the threshold. "Um, Leda, can I borrow Danny for a moment?" she asked hesitantly. Leda nodded and Danny placed a kiss on Leda's hand, whispering "Think about it", before walking outside with Lindsay. Once Lindsay had shut the door to Leda's room, Danny spoke.

"What is it Montana?"

Lindsay took a deep breath and stared at a spot over Danny's shoulder. "I, uh, Mac told me you were here and…I just wanted to see how you were doing. And how Leda was doing."

Danny looked inside Leda's room and lifted a shoulder. "She'll be alright, and I'm hangin' in there."

Lindsay looked at Danny seriously. "You two aren't just friends, are you?"

Danny, for once, looked uncomfortable and he cleared his throat. "Uh, can we sit down, Lindsay?" he asked, motioning to a set of chairs on one side of the hall. Lindsay nodded mutely and sat beside him. "The thing is…" Danny began, looking into Lindsay's eyes, "…we, uh, dated…and were in a relationship for a few months."

"Oh," Lindsay said quietly.

Danny rushed on. "It's not like that anymore. I mean, we're still good friends…she was my psychologist at first and then, after she recommended me to another shrink, we dated for a little while, but we broke up. And at Sullivan's that night…that was the first time I had seen her since our relationship ended."

Lindsay's eyes seemed a bit watery and Danny reached for Lindsay's hand. "I…I'm tellin' you the truth because I want to be with you…we have this chemistry, Lindsay…"

Lindsay slowly pulled her hand away from Danny's and her chocolate eyes flashed briefly with hurt. "How long ago did you two break up? A few years?..."

Danny cleared his throat, which Lindsay took as her answer, and she rose to her feet. Danny rose hastily with her and grabbed her hand. "No, listen, Linds, we broke up before the end of the summer…I care about her but not in that way…"

"Danny, just forget it, alright?" Lindsay snapped. "I don't think I can trust someone who would have never told me this important tidbit of information."

"Lindsay," Danny began, "I was going to tell you, but…"

"I don't want to hear it," Lindsay replied with a shake of her curls. "I don't know why I thought I could trust you. I don't know why I thought you were different than any of the other guys, Danny…"

Danny's face fell and his eyes widened in shock and hurt. "But Lindsay…"

"And I'll even bet that you and Leda slept together too…probably after you dropped me off that night we visited Flack in the hospital…"

Danny opened his mouth and then closed it. Lindsay's eyes narrowed and he could see the tears begin to form. "That's what I thought," she choked out. And turning her back on Danny, she walked down the hall.

"Lindsay!" Danny called out, but she didn't turn around. Danny himself turned around and saw Flack standing about ten feet behind him. The detective's stormy blue eyes gave away the fact that he had heard the last part of the exchange with Lindsay, if not more. Flack passed Danny and took off down the hall after Lindsay. Danny pounded a fist against the wall and exhaled angrily, muttering a few choice four-letter words.

And then, he knew what he had to do. Opening the hospital room door, he walked inside to talk to Leda and explain to her how he had just managed to simultaneously ruin his relationship with Flack and Lindsay.

_And_, he thought bitterly, _I might have just ruined any chances of Flack and Leda being together. Wonderful. Just freaking fantastic_.

* * *

**So, did you enjoy that chapter? It was long overdue, I am sorry. I also had to bring on the angst between the characters, because next chapter will bring us to Flack and Lindsay talking, and Danny and Leda talking. I hope you all enjoyed, and I am sorry for the delay, but better late than never! Keep reviewing and keep enjoying the story! **


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